


You and I // Me and You

by moon_star



Category: Big Bang (Band), YG Entertainment | YG Family
Genre: First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff and Smut, Idiots in Love, Internal Conflict, M/M, Nyongtory, Romance, Sexual Content, Smut, fluffy fluff, gdvi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-05-28 02:08:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15038348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moon_star/pseuds/moon_star
Summary: “I like Maknae,” he says in a sweet whisper, with warm eyes, as he places his hand on Seungri’s jaw, and his thumb rubs at the corner of Seungri’s lips. “Maknae and I, I and Maknae.”Seungri can’t help but feel warm, he can’t help but like the way that sounds.“You and I,” he says with a small yawn. “Me and You.”





	1. You and I

**Author's Note:**

> This is set during the Heartbreaker Era.

 

 

Scared my love  
You'll go  
Spend my love  
Heart broke  
So my love don't show  
Scared my love  
You'll go

Too good to be good for me  
Too bad that that's all I need

Too Good - Troye Sivan

  

The first time it happens, Seungri doesn’t think too much about it.

Seungri doesn’t expect much to come from it, really. 

He actually thinks it was an accident because Jiyong doesn’t like boys. He is not gay, and neither is Seungri. He likes girls, all the girls. He likes the curvy kind, the slender kind, the tall kind, the cute kind, and the ones that are so bad, yet can be so good. He likes the brunettes and the blonds, the redheads and the blonds —the blonds— with their short hair. It’s all good, they all look good. 

He is a man’s man, after all.

But, the things between him and Jiyong happen more often than not and that, and they are not that many things, but they still happen and… _that_ has Seungri confused.

He used to often masturbate to the thought of soft breasts in his face, to the thought of his cock around beautiful full red lips, to the thought of short fingernails scratching his back as he comes. But, at some point the image that started to come to his mind as he was just about to find release, was his Hyung’s.

It makes him feel awkward the first time it happens because he was just thinking about a pretty brunet when suddenly, the girl’s face changes, and it becomes Jiyong-hyung’s face with his dark hair, thin lips, and easy eyes, soft hands, and he whispers in the softest voice, “Maknae is the best.” And Seungri comes with a muffled moan. 

He remembers being so confused and ashamed, so, so incredibly ashamed. He couldn’t face Jiyong-hyung for almost three days.It was hard to avoid Jiyong because it was Jiyong.

Jiyong who had no sense of personal space when it came down to Seungri. 

Jiyong who stopped everything —halted rehearsal—just to corner him and confront him. 

Jiyong who bought Seungri a gift whenever he thought he hurt Seungri’s feelings. 

Jiyong who would hold Seungri’s hand tightly, no matter where they were. 

Jiyong who wrote songs and played them for Seungri and would then say, “I thought of your voice, of you, when I wrote this.” 

Jiyong who would, in the middle of the night, say to him, “You make me want to paint.”

Jiyong who, in a very odd way, was teaching Seungri how to become a man. 

Overtime, Seungri realized that he hadn’t really changed, he was still, in fact, a man. A man who liked girls, a man who found all girls beautiful, but he was also a man who was so deeply attracted to only one man. He didn’t know if it was right for him to feel that way, so he kept quiet for most of the time. Except for when he is alone in his room.  

When he is alone, the image of Jiyong comes to his mind from the very beginning. Before, he used to start with an idol, or actress, or model, or whoever he thought was cute at that time, and then when he was about to come, the image would change to Jiyong.  

Now, he thinks of Jiyong right from the start. He thinks of him in his current blond Heartbreaker hair, his slender fingers around his thighs, about his lips wrapped around his cock, about his head bopping up and down as he takes him all in, about the noises he’d make, about his little intakes of air. He thinks about how after sucking him, he’d crawl up his body, kissing and biting here and there —everywhere his lips, his teeth, can reach— until his lips finally meet his. He thinks about how Jiyong would take both their cocks in his slim steady fingers, and work them together until they both come, Jiyong’s lips pressed to his neck as he whispers, “Maknae is the best.”  

And suddenly, Seungri is coming, fast and hard, with a loud heave, his body is shattering as a sweet word forms on his lips, “ _Hyung_.”

He stays there on his bed, trying to catch his breath. 

“Every time,” he says in a small whisper, sweat dripping down his neck. “Every time.”

He has no time to enjoy his blissed out state— and who knows go for round two— because as soon as he’s about to clean himself off, Jiyong is knocking on his door. 

“Maknae,” he says in a raspy voice. “It’s Hyung, open the door, Maknae.”

“Okay,” he says as he reaches for tissues to wipe himself clean, and quickly pulls up his pants. “Hold—uh, just, wait a minute!”

He frantically sprays some air freshener, and runs to the restroom to wash off his hands, and splash cold water on his face before he is unlocking his door.

“See how good I am?” asks Jiyong in a soft whisper. “I have a key to your room, yet I waited for you to open for me. Aren’t I the best?” 

And Seungri wants to say that he is the best in more than one way.  

“Hyung,” he says with a hoarse voice. “What’s… uh, what’s up?”

Jiyong leans against the door and Seungri notices that he looks tired, exhausted, as if just standing there is taking all of his effort. And just like that Seungri knows what’s wrong. He can’t sleep. Like many times before, he can’t sleep. Only, this time, he’s waited it out for a whole two weeks before coming to Seungri. And he doesn’t know why he waited. Seungri has expected him to crawl into his bed as he often does, he’s waited until the late hours of the morning, but he never did. Seungri knows a lot of that has to do with the fact that Jiyong is currently preparing for his first solo album.He knows this, he really does, but he can’t help but want some of Jiyong’s attention to be placed on him. Even if just a little. 

He’s used to having lots of his Hyung’s attention, so when he doesn’t get it, he sulks. It’s Jiyong’s fault for spoiling him, really. 

He moves to let him in, Jiyong walks past him and lets his body drop on Seungri’s bed, a bit aggressively. Seungri waits to see if Gaho, Jiyong’s puppy, will follow as he often does, but when he doesn’t, Seungri follows suit and lays next to Jiyong, but keeps his still hot damp body away from his reach. And he knows that after a while, Jiyong will pull himself closer to him, fitting his body perfectly along Seungri’s.  

Seungri closes his eyes just as Jiyong slots himself right next to him. His right hand’s slender fingers crawl along his belly, as he plasters his forehead against Seungri’s shoulder blade.  

“Maknae,” he says in a drowsy whisper. “Don’t avoid me. Don’t neglect me.”

“I’m not, Hyung,” he says and to be fair, he isn’t.

Jiyong is suddenly crowding his space, and Seungri holds his breath. 

“You haven’t come to my bed in these past two weeks,” he says accusingly.  

“Me?” Seungri asks. “ _You_ haven’t come to mine.”

Jiyong lets out a small laugh before settling half of his body on the left side of Seungri’s. He places his right arm right above Seungri’s shoulder, moves his right hand away from Seungri’s belly, and Seungri can’t help but miss the contact immediately, but just as fast, Jiyong begins to use those fingers to gently run them along his scalp. 

“I’ve been really busy lately, but even then, I don’t always have to come to you,” Jiyong says softly and his breath is so close and so hot against the left side of Seungri’s face. “It’s you and I, not just me and you. If you miss me, don’t you think I miss you too?” 

Seungri obviously hopes it’s true, he hopes that Jiyong misses him as much as he misses him, but doesn’t say anything. 

After a minute of complete silence, Jiyong takes a deep breath. 

“You smell…” he says.

Seungri freezes realizing what he meant, realizing what smell he’s picking up and he doesn’t know what to say, what to do, thinks about getting up, but as he shifts a bit Jiyong speaks again. 

“Good,” he finishes with thick voice. 

Seungri licks his lips and Jiyong follows the movement. 

Jiyong runs the tip of his nose from Seungri’s temple, down the side of his face, across his jaw, to the tip of his chin and takes a deep breath there, his eyelashes tickling the top of Seungri’s lip. 

“Can I?” Jiyong asks.

Seungri’s heart sky rockets.

“It’s you and I,” he says. “Do you even have to ask?”

Jiyong raises his head to look at him straight in the eyes, his usual cold gaze suddenly warmer than the sun, the way it usually is when he is looking at Seungri. 

“Yes,” he says, velvety and firm. “Every time, without fail.”

Seungri knows that the reason he asks every time is because of the first time it happened. 

Because the first time it happened, Seungri wasn’t ready. 

Because the first time it happened, Seungri didn’t know what to do.

Because the first time it happened, Seungri was still a kid.

But this is not the first time. 

Seungri pulls Jiyong’s lips to his, and they are the same way they always are, soft, sweet, giving. Jiyong kisses him the way he always does, as if the world is on the verge of ending, as if this is the last time he gets to kiss him, as if this is the only time he gets to have him. He kisses him deeply and passionately, raw and hard, with a sense of flight. 

Jiyong breaks the kiss and Seungri can hear him breathing very fast and his body shivering.

“I”m so tired,” Jiyong says with a thick voice and Seungri immediately turns his body towards his. Jiyong tucks himself under his neck and Seungri wraps his arms around him, holding his small figure incredibly close to his. And he can feel Jiyong breathing fast and heavy and Seungri’s dick twitches.

Slowly, and after a couple of minutes, Jiyong’s breathing evens out and he starts breathing nice and slow into Seungri’s neck. Seungri closes his eyes, and pulls him closer to him. He can’t help it, really. For a while now, Seungri thinks about his Hyung in a way he probably knows he shouldn’t, in a way that he knows is so wrong —yet, so right. 

It feels so wrong, because he is not gay. He likes girls, he always has and he thinks he always wil —mostly, he’s realized. The only exception to the rule is and has always been Jiyong-hyung.

It feels so right because when Jiyong holds him, when he presses his body against his, when his lips touch Seungri’s he ignites a different kind of fire in Seungri —one he’s never felt, and he knows it’s so wrong for him to want more because it feels so right. 

“One day, Maknae,” Jiyong whispers drowsily against his skin. “You and I, we will go all the way.”

Seungri’s throat is so tight, he feels like he can’t breathe.

“You and I,” murmurs Jiyong, somehow wrapping himself closer to Seungri. 

“Me and you,” whispers Seungri.

x__x

 


	2. Me and You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this goes back to their first year.

 

 

 

You are everything I asked for

What my empty soul wanted to feel  

You are everything I have waited so much for

What I longed to find in my dreams, and what I found in you  

You have come to light up

Every part of my soul, every part of my being  

I no longer have a heart, nor eyes for anyone

Only for you

You are the love of my life

Destiny knew it and today it has put you before me

And every time I look towards the past

That is when I understand that by your side

Is where I have always belonged

 Camila - [Solo Para Ti](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0BNTKbzElg) ([only for you](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qWmE2XKEAgs))

 

 

Seungri is sixteen when it first happens. 

It all starts when one day, he was sitting on the couch watching Princess Hours with Jiyong-hyung, and that in itself was a miracle of sorts.  

Jiyong didn’t want him to be a part of Bigbang —well, first of all, Jiyong _didn’t_ want to be a part of Bigbang, he always thought he and Youngbae, with whom he trained for almost six years, would form a hip-hop duo. That was his dream, his goal, or whatever. 

Seungri didn’t know him back then so it’s not like he knows exactly what Jiyong-hyung had planned. What he knows is that when he first meets his eyes, Jiyong looks at Seungri with such disregard, with such disinterest, with such discontent, and with so much contempt that it makes Seungri want to bolt. It makes him want to run as fast as he can and hide.  

But then he remembers that he is there to succeed and with all his might, he plants the balls of his feet in that training room floor and watches Jiyong’s loath for him boil. President Yang tells him that if he wants to succeed quickly, he needs to pay close attention to Jiyong and follow his lead. 

Seungri, of course, wants to succeed. So, he tries to do just that. But, with Jiyong constantly dismissing him, acting like he’s not even there, and ignoring him every minute of every single day it makes it harder for him to actually get close enough to learn from him. 

In the end, he endures it all.  

He becomes a permanent member of Bigbang, much to Jiyong’s dismay.

Youngbae tries to befriend him, or at the very minimum be nice to him and he tries to include Seungri, tend to him and comfort him when he gets yelled at. Daesung is cheerful even if it’s awkward between them and they don’t know how to act or what to say when it’s just the two of them—still, they make it work. Seunghyun is carefree and chill, but he doesn’t know how to act with Seungri either; despite that though, Seungri feels comfortable just sitting across from him. 

Jiyong though, continues to ignore him.

He ignores Seungri for three months. 

He pretends he doesn’t hear Seungri when he asks him if he’s eaten. He pretends he doesn’t see him when he greets the others. He pretends Seungri is invisible when he is in the same room as him. He doesn’t give him direct directions either, he expects him to follow what he says to the others. The only time he notices him is when Seungri makes a mistake. That’s when he suddenly becomes visible and Jiyong’s words shred him to pieces. 

It hurts Seungri quite a lot, actually. 

It hurts him, but he pushes through. He decides that one day, he is going to win him over no matter what. One day, he is going to become such an important part of Jiyong’s life, Jiyong won’t know what hit him. One day, he is going to take Youngbae’s spot as Jiyong’s best friend.

He just knows it. 

He feels it.

He wants it. 

Three months after, Jiyong finally breaks his silence. And it’s so unexpected because all this time, Seungri had thought that _he_ was going to have to warm Jiyong up to him. That he was going to have to make a greater effort to move and do something about the way Jiyong treats him right at the one year mark. 

“What time does Princess Hours start?” Jiyong asks from the kitchen where he is pouring himself a glass of water. 

Now, Seungri is the only other person in their dorm so he knows that Jiyong is talking to him… still, because it’s so unexpected, he has to turn around and see if perhaps one of the Hyungs has walked in and Seungri hadn’t noticed.But after double checking, he realizes that yes, Jiyong is in fact talking to him. It makes him smile so hard and it makes him feel so stupid.

“At 8:00 p.m., Hyung,” he says in an overly cheerful voice. 

He watches Jiyong nod before he drinks the entire cup in one go. 

“You watching it?” he asks once he is done with the water.

“Yes,” Seungri says with a firm nod.

“Call me when it’s on,” he says as he sets his cup in the sink, a cup Seungri will have to wash. “I want to watch it, too.”

“Okay, I will, Hyung,” he says, his smile somehow getting bigger.

Seungri is over the moon. 

He is so completely swoon by Jiyong wanting to watch the drama with him. He’s still a little scared by the idea of it because first and foremost, it’ll just be the two of them on the couch; whereas, usually, it’s the Hyungs on the couch and him in the kitchen or on the floor, whichever makes him out of Jiyong’s view. 

But tonight, it’ll be the two of them, just the two of them. 

At five minutes before eight, he knocks on Jiyong’s door and tells him that it’s five minutes till start. He hears no response, so he thinks perhaps the joint viewing is cancelled. He’s a bit bombed out, but the one year hadn’t passed yet, so, he is okay with that. But, to his surprise, right at eight, right as the drama is about to start, Jiyong walks out of his bedroom without a single word or a single glance at Seungri and plops himself at the opposite end of the couch. 

They watch Princess Hours mostly in silence, the only noise they make is when they laugh at the drama’s shenanigans. Once the drama is over, Jiyong gets off the couch and walks to his room without a word. Overall, Seungri thinks that went well. 

After a couple of days, and with them slowly bonding over their common interest in dramas, actresses and their idiotic like humor, Jiyong stops ignoring him. He stops pretending he’s not there when he is, he stops pretending he doesn’t hear him when he clearly has, and he starts acknowledging him more than Seungri ever dreamt he would. 

Jiyong starts bullying him, though. He bullies him whether it’s over his lack of coordination or the way he laughs, the way he eats, the way he talks. He starts to actively seek him out to play, and to seek him out to accompany him to the convenience store, to sit him next to him during meals, to stay with him to clean —mostly makes him clean while he watches and writes songs, but still—and continues to bully him. 

It often results on Jiyong getting Youngbae and Seunghyung to join, and then on Jiyong getting upset over Seunghyung and Youngbae making Seungri laugh, or touching him. Once that happens, Jiyong ends up taking it too far. Sometimes, he makes Seungri cry. But, Jiyong apologizes and caresses his cheeks, rubs his nose, runs his thumb under his eyes, pulls on his ear, or wraps his arms around his shoulders—or his waist— and murmurs close to Seungri’s ear in a velvety voice, “Maknae is the best.”

Seungri starts to think that maybe that means that Jiyong-hyung finally likes him. 

Soon, Seungri doesn’t _think_ Jiyong likes him —he _feels_ it.

As much as Jiyong seems to enjoy bullying him, he seems to also genuinely enjoy taking care of Seungri. He always saves a seat next to him for Seungri when they’re eating, or when they’re waiting around. When there’s no seat available, he will let him sit on his lap as he wraps his arms around his waist and pulls him close against him. He helps him set up the food for the others and always feeds him or shares his food—even when there’s no money, if Seungri asks him for an specific food, Jiyong will make it happen. 

Jiyong goes as far as to give him his hoodie if he says he’s cold, he will wrap his arms around him and caress his arms to warm him up, he will turn off his music for him when he falls asleep and gently takes off his headphones, he will act silly and laugh at his jokes, even if no one else does.Jiyong is so much, Jiyong does so much for Seungri, and it makes him think that perhaps, Seungri has really become Jiyong’s friend— move over Youngbae!

But… 

He seems to be to Jiyong what Youngbae never was.

He seems to have become what Jiyong never wanted Youngbae to be. 

One day, after a full day of rehearsing, Jiyong says he’s tired and he wants to go to sleep. Seungri tells him good night and heads to his room, but to his surprise, Jiyong follows him and locks the door behind him. 

“Hyung?” he asks a bit confused.

“Tonight, you and I will sleep together,” Jiyong says as he peels off his sweatshirt and throws it on the floor. 

“Uh,” begins Seungri, but stops as he watches Jiyong get out of his pants.

“Come on, Maknae,” he says as he gets on the bed. 

And Seungri is frozen, as he watches him wrap the covers around him. He doesn’t know what to do, or what to say to make him go away and give him back his space. 

“Maknae,” he says as he takes both the pillows.“Take off your hoodie and your pants or you’ll get hot.”

And what? Hot? Why would he get hot?

No, Seungri always sleeps with those on. They’re staying on.

And he doesn’t move. 

Jiyong sighs and gets out of the bed, with nothing but his shirt and underwear, walks towards Seungri and begins to pull off his hoodie. 

“Wait,” he says because he’s keeping that on. “I, uh, want to keep it on. I get cold at night.”

Jiyong nods and takes Seungri’s hand, intertwines their fingers together—which he has never done before—and leads him to the bed, to _his_ bed, releases their fingers and pushes Seungri on the mattress with a small smile. Seungri falls awkwardly on the bed and he doesn’t know why but he blushes as he realizes that his eyes are staring right at Jiyong’s underwear. 

Jiyong notices and chuckles lightly before he places his hand on Seungri’s cheek, and gently runs his thumb under his eye. “Our Maknae,” he says in a soft whisper. “Our Maknae is the cutest.”

“Hyunnnnnnng,” Seungri says before retreating from Jiyong’s touch and quickly getting in the covers and plastering himself against the wall, leaving as much space as possible for Jiyong on the bed. 

He’s not sure why they’re sharing his bed, but if they are, he wants to make sure Jiyong has more than enough space, and he doesn’t want him to feel uncomfortable. But, Jiyong pulls him closer to him, wrapping his arms around him, completely crowding his space, and suddenly, they’re cuddling. And it’s so weird, it makes Seungri feel so warm, so _hot_ , he doesn’t know what to do. 

“I don’t like sleeping alone,” Jiyong says in a small voice. “I like having someone to keep me company.”

Seungri doesn’t know what to say to that because he’s never felt the need to have any sort of company in his bed, and now here he is, with Jiyong hugging him extra tight and he doesn’t even know how he will manage to sleep tonight. Not only that, but in all the time he’s lived under the same roof as Jiyong, he has never heard of Jiyong hugging Youngbae to sleep. But then again, it’s not like Jiyong or Youngbae tell him those kind of things. 

“It makes me feel lonely,” Jiyong says after a couple of minutes of silence.“And I don’t like feeling lonely, so please endure it.”

Seungri doesn’t like feeling lonely either, so he understands. 

He nods. 

And Jiyong shifts in the bed enough so that when Seungri looks up, Jiyong’s face is right in front of his. 

“I like Maknae,” he says in a sweet whisper, with warm eyes, as he places his hand on Seungri’s jaw, and his thumb rubs at the corner’s of Seungri’s lips. “Maknae and I, I and Maknae.”

Seungri can’t help but feel warm, he can’t help but like the way that sounds.

“You and I,” he says with a small yawn. “Me and You.”

He feels Jiyong’s thumb freeze and he wonders if he’s perhaps said something wrong. And as he’s about to ask, Jiyong’s lips touch his cheek and now it’s Seungri’s turn to freeze because he doesn’t know what just happened, why it happened, and he’s confused. 

Jiyong kisses his forehead. 

And Seungri feels his heart sky rocket, he feels his blood rushing to his cheeks, and he gets butterflies at the pit of his stomach. 

Jiyong kisses the top of his nose.

And Seungri feels like a child, giddy, and eager, and bemused.

Jiyong kisses him at his temple.

And Seungri gets a chill down his spine, his toes curl on themselves, his hands ache to touch —to grab—at Jiyong’s shirt, and he does, he fists his hands into his shirt and, without meaning to, pulls Jiyong closer to him, and Jiyong giggles.

“Maknae is mine,” Jiyong says with such delight.

And Seungri doesn’t know what posses him to say what he says next. He doesn’t know why he says it, he just knows that he _likes_ how it sounds, even if he doesn’t quite know what it will all end up meaning.

“Leader is mine,” he replies.

Jiyong chuckles close to his ear, and Seungri feels like his skin is going to melt off his body.He feels like he’s walking into something that he doesn’t understand, but that he feels is _just_ right. 

He’s almost asleep, but then Jiyong’s voice shakes him awake.

“Me and you,” Jiyong says as he puts his forehead against his.

“You and I,” Seungri says sleepily, his lips a breath away from Jiyong’s. 

“You are mine,” Jiyong says as he presses his lips to Seungri’s and just like that Seungri is awake, wired, confused, electrified, and terrified. 

He abruptly pushes Jiyong away, completely off the bed and sits up, pulling the covers around himself. 

“Wh—what, what was that?” he asks. 

Jiyong pulls himself up on the bed and sits across form Seungri. 

“Affection,” he says with a small smile. “It was my affection for you.”

Seungri doesn’t quite know how a kiss —because that was what it was—is considered brotherly affection.

“Did you dislike it?” Jiyong asks with his brows furrowed. 

Seungri doesn’t know if he disliked it. 

He doesn’t know if he liked, either though. 

“You did,” Jiyong says in a dejected tone. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have. I’ll… I will just… you know what? I’ll go ahead and leave.”

Jiyong gets off the bed and starts gathering his clothes.

“Wait,” Seungri says. 

He likes Jiyong-hyung, he likes him.

He likes when he corrects him when he does something wrong and he even likes it when he bullies him.

He likes it even more when he takes care of him specially when he hugs him. 

Seungri doesn’t want that to end.

“Hyung,” Seungri says after Jiyong puts his pants on. “I didn’t _dislike_ it.”

“You pushed me off the bed,” Jiyong says as he turns around to face him.

“I did,” he says nodding. “But, it’s just that I was’t _prepared_ for _that_ kind of affection.”

“ _That_ kind of affection,” Jiyong says. “What kind?”

Seungri doesn’t want to come out and say it, but he will since it’s Jiyong. 

Since it’s him.

Since it’s them. 

“You know, the kiss,” Seungri says blushing. “I, uh, I wasn’t prepared.”

Jiyong nods. 

“Were you repulsed by it?” he asks, with a hoarse voice.

Seungri shakes his head no.

He was startled —even slightly scared— not disgusted. 

“If anything,” he says getting off the bed and making his way to Jiyong. “I was surprised by it. If you would have perhaps asked if you could kiss me, I wouldn’t have reacted the way I did.”

Seungri leaves out the fact that if Jiyong had asked, he might have said no. 

“Then you might have said no,” Jiyong says. “But then that would have been your choice and I didn’t give that to you to begin with, got it. I will never ever do that again, Maknae.”

Seungri closes the distance between them and hugs him.

“It’s not that,” he says because again, he didn’t _completely_ disliked it. “It’s just that it was the first time for me, like ever, and I wasn’t prepared. It scared me a little.”

Jiyong wraps his arms around him and sighs just as Seungri tucks himself under his chin.

“Your first,” he whispers against his hair. “I’m sorry that I did that.”

“Mmm,” murmurs Seungri.

“It’s just that I’ve been wanting to do that for a while, thought I’d be able to control that till the end, I thought it’d go away, but in the end it’s just…” he trails off.

“Just?” presses Seungri.

“It’s just the affection I chose to give to you alone,” he says. 

“Because it’s me and you?” 

“Because it’s you and I.”

They make it back to bed, Jiyong takes his pants off again, and Seungri is okay with that. 

Jiyong intertwines their legs together and tucks Seungri under his chin. 

Seungri wraps his arm around Jiyong’s small waist.

Jiyong runs his hand through Seungri’s head in a small steady rhythm.

Seungri snuggles closer to Jiyong learning the rhythm of his breathing, memorizing his scent. 

“Hyung?” he says in a small voice. 

“Yeah,” Jiyong replies sleepily.

“Just warn me next time.” 

Jiyong laughs lightly.

He doesn’t know if there will ever be a next time, or what it all means, he’s still a kid. 

He knows he wanted to become important to Jiyong, he wanted his approval, his attention, his affection. 

He knows he wants to be close to Jiyong, but he isn’t sure he wants—that it is okay for him— to be _this_ close.

He knows that if Jiyong had been wanting to kiss him for a while, then Jiyong must like him to some extent. He knows that he didn’t all together dislike it when their lips touched nor was he repulsed by it, so he himself must like him to some extent. He just doesn’t know what, if any of it, is not okay for them to feel because…

He is a boy.

He likes girls.

He likes them tall.

He likes them small.

He likes them —

“Me and you,” Jiyong whispers as he pulls Seungri closer to him.

And Seungri’s body is on fire because for some reason, he seems to likes this too. 

“You and I,” he thinks as his lips press against Jiyong’s neck.

 

x__x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you don't recognize the song, it's probably because it's a song in spanish by camila. solo para ti (only for you) written in 2006, and the lyrics, the beginning of the actual video... i find very fitting. this chapter is told by seungri,... and he is confused, but jiyong isn't, i don't think he's ever been--that's why i chose this song.
> 
> x


	3. You and I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Have you ever been with a man, Maknae?” he asks as his fingers trail up Seungri’s body, until they find a nipple, and Jiyong gently squeezes. 
> 
> Seungri can’t help but gasp in pleasure, as he shakes his head no. 
> 
> Jiyong bites his lip, before he speaks again. 
> 
> “Good,” he says in a raw murmur. “I want to be your first.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the great seungri was released yesterday. i love it so much. if you haven't already, please go buy it. every single song is amazingly beautiful. you won't regret buying it. if you can't buy it, stream the album. & don't forget to also stream the 셋 셀테니 (1, 2, 3!) video. 
> 
> please support seungri, and give him and the great seungri lots of love. 
> 
> x,

Love you like a brother,  
Treat you like a friend.  
Respect you like a lover

Be the lover, I'll be the fighter baby  
If I'm the blunt, you could be the lighter babe  
Fire it up!  
Writer baby, you could be the quote  
If I'm the lyric baby, you could be the note, record that  
Saint I'm a sinner, prize I'm a winner and it's you  
What did I do to deserve that  
Paper baby, I'll be the pen  
Say that I'm the one, cause you are a ten

Even when the sky comes falling  
Even when the sun don't shine  
I got faith in you and I  
So put your pretty little hand in mine

Miguel - Sure Thing

 

The funny thing about Jiyong saying that one day, he and Seungri will go all the way is that the words keep circling around in Seungri’s mind. They keep haunting his every thought, his every dream. They keep echoing in the back of Seungri’s mind every time someone mentions Jiyong’s name. They keep making Seungri’s cock hard every time he gets a glimpse of Jiyong.

And that’s perhaps why he aches to see him.

Jiyong-hyung leaves early in the morning the day after he says that to Seungri, he doesn’t wake Seungri up, he just leaves without a good bye. Seungri’s okay with that because that’s usually how his Hyung leaves —he never wants to wake up Seungri if they don’t have a schedule to attend to together.

And Seungri appreciates him for it because more often than not, he never gets enough sleep due to Jiyong’s crazy work antics. They live together, they’ve been sleeping in the same bed for almost three years —mostly, anyway— and throughout the entire time, Jiyong has always been the same, kept the same habits.

Seungri is continuously fascinated by his Hyung’s tenacity, by his ingenuity, and talent, which are things Seungri still feels he’s lacking, despite Jiyong’s constant comforting words telling him that he’s plenty good, that he’s has plenty of tenacity, that Jiyong has been doing it for much longer than Seungri, and that Seungri is already catching up. Jiyong swears it’s already impressive and Seungri still has a hard time believing it.

Seungri isn’t like Jiyong, things don’t come to him naturally, things don’t just randomly pop into his head in the middle of the night when he’s supposed to be sleeping. He doesn’t get the urge to reach for pen and paper and start spilling feelings for hours on end. And he most certainly doesn’t create a harmony, a beat, out of nothing, but the silence in their bedroom.

The way inspiration comes to Jiyong while they are both sleeping is something that will never cease to amaze Seungri.

Still, these days, Seungri barely gets to see Jiyong. They text throughout the day a bit, but he doesn’t get to see him. Seungri gets it though, Jiyong is busy with the preparations for his solo album. Seungri knows how much he’s prepared for it —how much he needs for it to succeed, which Seungri has no doubt it will. Seungri gets it, he really does.

But, because Seungri barely gets to see Jiyong, he wishes he’d get to see him more. He wishes he’d get more free time to go support him in the studio and watch him, listen, to him putting the final touches to his songs. He wishes he could tag along to his photoshoots and to his video recordings, but Jiyong is currently shooting GD TV and Seungri’s been told by the managers to make himself scarce during the shoots.

And again, Seungri gets it. He doesn’t agree with it because the managers said that they want to shoot GD TV as a way to let the fans in, as a way to let them be a part of the process, and for them to be included on Jiyong’s day to day life. And in Jiyong’s day to day life, Seungri is a part of it, but for GD TV he’s been instructed to let Jiyong breathe. So, Seungri does just that. He makes himself busy, he practices extra hard for his musical, plays with his friends, doesn’t go home to sleep.

Jiyong complains plenty about Seungri not being there. He complains to the staff, the managers, the other Hyungs. He complains to the point where Youngbae feels the need to tell Seungri to go visit him wherever Jiyong is at that time. Seungri doesn’t go, though. He just simply tells Youngbae that he can’t because he’s busy. What he does do though, is continuously tell Jiyong, whether via phone of text, to take care, not to stress, to eat his meals, to get some rest.

The days and nights without Jiyong seem to stretch forever, and they make Seungri a bit restless. He often goes out with friends at night, or spends time with whatever Hyung isn’t as busy, attends school, but that does little to ease him out of missing Jiyong. If anything, he thinks about Jiyong even more.

On the night before Jiyong’s birthday, Seungri decides to go home in hopes of seeing him. Of course, he doesn’t actually think that Jiyong will be home. Still, Seungri would much rather be home than anywhere else on that night. Because Seungri doesn’t think he’ll be able to see Jiyong the night before his birthday, the night before his album drops, he is a bit startled to when Jiyong walks into their shared apartment, Gaho in his hands.

“Maknae,” he says in a hard tone. “You’re here.”

“I live here. Where else would I be?” Seungri asks because he doesn’t understand where the harsh tone is coming from.

“Out with your friends, I don’t know,” Jiyong murmurs.

Jiyong doesn’t get that he’s been spending all this time with them to prevent him from missing him —not that it helps, he still misses him, but being with other people certainly helps him take his mind of Jiyong a bit.

“Not tonight,” he just simply responds.

“And why’s that?” Jiyong asks.

“You know why.”

“I don’t know anything.”

“It’s the night before your birthday, and the night before the release of your album,” Seungri counters. “Where else would I be if not here?”

“Oh, so now you have time for me?” he asks.

Seungri sighs, getting off the couch, and deciding to go to his room.

“I don’t want to do this,” he responds.

Jiyong laughs.

“Do what?” he asks.

“This,” Seungri says point to each other. “The fighting —the arguing, I don’t want to do this."

“Oh, is this what this is?” Jiyong asks.

“I don’t know, you tell me?” says Seungri, with his palms out.

They’ve argued before, never really fought though.

When they’ve argued, it has been over the dumbest things and most of the times Seungri can’t believe they’re arguing over them. They argue over:

Whether or not Seungri enjoyed being hugged by Youngbae a little too much.

Whether Jiyong is really where he says he is.

Whether Seunghyun is being extra touchy with Seungri.

Whether Jiyong is spending too much time with Chaerin and Dara.

Whether Seungri means everything he texts to people.

Whether Jiyong is out taking a smoke or making a phone call.

Whether Seungri really has to hang out with his friends.

Whether Jiyong has to smile at every girl he sees.

Whether Seungri is being extra flirtatious with the dancers.

Whether Jiyong is using Daesung to get back at Seungri for hanging out with Youngbae and Seunhyun.

It’s ridiculous, but that’s how their life has turned out.

Jiyong doesn’t respond and Seungri wonders if perhaps he should leave. If perhaps Jiyong had other plans, if Jiyong would much rather be with someone else tonight. It hadn’t occurred to him before. He didn’t even know if Jiyong would be at their apartment, he just wanted to be there in case he happened to drop by.

“Do you want me to leave?” he asks as the silence continuous to stretch.

Jiyong looks at him, really looks at him for the first time since arriving and Seungri can see the exhaustion clearly on his face. He looks thinner, Seungri notices.

Jiyong shakes his head no and Seungri releases a breath he had not noticed he had been holding.

“I’m sorry,” Jiyong says as he closes the distance between them. “I’m just… feeling a lot right now.”

Seungri reaches out his hand to his, Jiyong takes it, and leads them into his room. Jiyong lays on top of Tom and Seungri on top of Laura. It’s ironic, Seungri thinks, that many people now know about Tom and Laura, it makes Seungri feel as if their privacy is being exposed to anyone paying attention.

Seungri yawns and Jiyong follows suit.

“Every time, I come close to you,” he begins singing in a sleepy voice.

“Every time I want that know you,” Seungri sings.

“Feel like I gonna dream every time,” Jiyong sighs.

"I get butterfly,” Seungri says with a smile. “That’s still one of my favorite songs.”

“Mine too,” Jiyong murmurs.

“Too bad the others didn’t make the cut.”

Jiyong managed to write over twenty songs for his album, but only ten made the final cut. He left out many songs that he really seemed to like —hat he seemed to treasure— but told Seungri those were not meant to be heard by the public, by the fans. Seungri hadn’t understood why since all of the songs were more than decent.

“I already told you, Maknae,” said Jiyong as the back of his hand caressed Seungri’s cheek. “Those songs are not for them.”

Seungri still didn’t get it.

Every song that Jiyong wrote was not for the fans. Many were written with an specific emotion —or for an specific person— and they were never for the fans. The fans connected to songs because they could relate to Jiyong’s heartbreak, to the way he loved, to the way he had felt at that specific time because the fans had probably felt the same way at some point in their life.

“What will you do with them?” he asked.

“Keep them, and just play them when I want to hear them,” Jiyong said with a small shrug. “I’ll put them with the rest of many demos.”

“That’s disappointing,” said Seungri. “That means they might be shelved forever and no one will ever get to hear them—”

“I already told you, they are not to be heard by others.”

“I won’t be able to listen to them.”

Jiyong smiled, his eyes suddenly somehow softer, he took in a deep breath as he placed his forehead against Seungri’s before he spoke again.

“You won’t have to, Maknae, you are them,” he said in a small whisper.

“What?” asked Seungri confused.

“Can I?” asked Jiyong.

“Wait, what did you say?”

“Can I?”

“No, no,” Seungri says. “Before that?”

“I want to kiss you,” Jiyong says a breath away from Seungri’s lips. “Can I?"

Seungri nods, he will get his answers from him later.

Jiyong leans in, and Seungri, as always, is ready for him.

When Jiyong kisses him, he is often rough, hungry. He always kisses Seungri as if the world is ending, as if it’s do or die, as if the sun might night rise again, as if this is the last time he’ll be able to do this.

But not tonight.

Tonight, Jiyong kisses him as if he has all the time in the world, as if the world starts and ends at Seungri’s mouth, as if Seungri is the only thing he sees —feels— is real in the world, as if he is thirsty and Seungri is water. His kisses him so soft and tender, leaving no room to breathe, chasing Seungri’s lips whenever Seungri pulls back to take a deep breath.

Seungri starts to feel dizzy, hazy, and his hands can’t seem to stay still. He pulls Jiyong closer to him, almost hauls him on top of him, really. Jiyong gets it, understands where Seungri wants him to be, and he flips Seungri on his back, moves on top of him, gracefully, their lips never losing touch.

Jiyong tangles his hands in Seungri’s hair— he doesn’t pull— he just keeps his hands there as he continues to devour Seungri’s mouth. Seungri on the other hand, can’t keep his hands to still. His hands are somehow electrified, and they itch to touch, to make contact with Jiyong. They clutch at Jiyong’s shirt tightly, and then move down his back, and back up again at the same time that Jiyong finally releases his lips and starts peppering kisses across his jaw, until he is at his neck, where he kisses, licks, and slightly bites.

Seungri feels like he’s losing his mind because he has never felt this before. Sure, he’s messed around with girls, has done this and that, but it has never been likes this. Nothing, has ever felt this insanely good. And he is hot, so incredibly hot, he can’t breathe, he can’t think straight, and he feels like he’s body is slowly giving in, disappearing with ever touch, with every kiss, with every breath Jiyong takes against his skin.

“Hyung,” he says between a moan.

“I know,” Jiyong murmurs as he moves to the other side of Seungri’s neck. “Me too.”

Seungri nods in agreement, his throat feeling so dry, and he begins to pull Jiyong’s shirt up, craving skin on skin contact more than anything. His hands begin to move up Jiyong’s ribs. Jiyong sits up, straddling Seungri, and Seungri can’t help but bite his lip at the sight of Jiyong on top of him, and he places his hands on Jiyongs hips as Jiyong takes off his shirt and throws it on the floor.

“Have you ever been with a man, Maknae?” he asks as his fingers trail up Seungri’s body, until they find a nipple, and Jiyong gently squeezes.

Seungri can’t help but gasp in pleasure, as he shakes his head no.

Jiyong bites his lip, before he speaks again.

“Good,” he says in a raw murmur. “I want to be your first.”

Seungri’s cock hardens in response. Jiyong can clearly feel it and he laughs before he starts to shove Seungri’s shirt out of his way.

“Actually, I want to be the only one,” Jiyong says as he leans down to kiss him.

Seungri can’t believe Jiyong just said that.

What’s even more, he can’t believe that he himself liked what he said.

He can’t believe he wants that.

“I want to be the only one that can see My Maknae like this,” Jiyong says as his lips moves down Seungri’s neck. “The only man that can make My Maknae feel this way.”

Seungri’s skin is on fire.

Seungri can’t wrap his mind around what Jiyong is saying.

Seungri can’t help the way he likes every word that comes out of Jiyong’s mouth.

“Hyung,” he says, his voice hoarse.

“Tell me when to stop,” Jiyong says before he licks at Seungri’s nipple.

And the thing is, Seungri has never had anyone lick his nipples. He has licked nipples before —okay fine, only three — and so he knows that when he’s licked them that he’s liked it. But now that he is on the receiving end, he realizes that getting them licked feels even better than licking them.

Seungri can’t take it, he feels like he’s body is going to combust.

“Hyung,” he says.

“Okay,” Jiyong says as his fingers begin to unbutton Seungri’s pants.

“You know,” begins Jiyong as he trails wet kisses down Seungri’s body. “I’ve thought about this many times —constantly, actually—never really thought you’d ever let me do this, never thought you wanted this.”

Seungri is surprised to hear Jiyong say that because he never in a million years thought Jiyong wanted to fuck him the way Seungri wanted to. Granted, the amount of kissing they did seems a bit odd if it wasn’t all going to lead up to this moment. But still, Seungri can’t keep himself from being surprised at the fact that Jiyong, his Hyung, wants him as much as Seungri does.

As Jiyong palms Seungri’s erection through his underwear, Seungri groans, and Jiyong licks his lips before he leans down.

“I’ve wanted to do this for the longest time,” Jiyong says as his thin fingers grab the elastic of his underwear. “Just thinking about it makes me breathless, restless and keeps me up at night.”

Seungri’s about to tell him that him too, that’s he’s dreamt about Jiyong taking him. That he’s dreamt about Jiyong’s lips wrapped about his cock. That he’s laid awake at night imagining what Jiyong would taste like. That he often finds himself touching himself to the thought of Jiyong. That he wants to be fucked by Jiyong, but at the same time, he wants to fuck Jiyong. He wants to make him shiver, he wants to hear him moan, he wants him to say his name as he’s about to come.

But as he is about to voice this to him, to let him know he’s wanted the same way Jiyong wants him, the door bell rings.

The door bell rings once.

It rings twice.

On the third time, Jiyong’s phone starts to go off.

Seungri sighs, resigned to have this end.

“Let’s ignore it,” Jiyong says.

“You know we can’t,” Seungri says.

“Fine,” Jiyong says with a groan as his phone goes off for a second time.

“What?” he answer the call with a bit of a bite.

Seungri begins to pull his shirt down, Jiyong catches the movement and stops Seungri with his free hand.

“Right now?” he asks to whoever he’s talking to.

“Why?” he goes on, his temper rising.

“That’s not what—” he beings, but is stopped.

“Fine,” he says hanging up the phone and throwing it across the room and against the wall.

“What’s wrong?” Seungri asks.

“I have to go,” he says with thick aggravation in his voice. “Apparently, MNet wants to film my reaction to my album being released for GDTV. They want my commentary.”

Seungri nods.

“I fucking hate this,” he says. “This is why I didn’t want to do this bullshit! I have enough on my plate as is and can’t even take an hour to,” he stops with a sigh.

“Hyung,” he says.

“I can’t even take a single hour to be with you,” Jiyong says.

“Hyung,” Seungri says again. “It’s okay, go and do what you need to do.”

Jiyong huffs as he places a hand on Seungri’s cheek and runs his thumb against his under eye, he’s eyes going soft.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I really wanted to.”

“Me too,” says Seungri.

Jiyong leans down and kisses Seungri fast and hard.

“We will resume this,” he says against Seungri’s lips. “I don’t know when, but we will resume this, Maknae.”

Jiyong gets off Seungri, grabs his shirt and puts it back on at the same time the door bell rings again.

“Hurry, Hyung,” Seungri says sitting up.

Jiyong scoffs as he picks up his phone. Then he turns to take a look at Seungri, who smiles at him. Jiyong runs his hand through his hair before he walks towards the bed, and leans down to kiss Seungri one more time.

“I really, really, hate this,” he says one more time.

“Me too,” Seungri replies.

“I will be back, we will do this, me and you.”

“You and I,” Seungri says with smile.

“It will always be me and you,” he says, and he walks out the door.

Seungri hangs on to Jiyong’s words.

They’re carved in his mind.

They sound like a promise.

Like an oath.

Like forever.

x_x


	4. Me and You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I want to be the only one that gets to see you,” Jiyong continues. “I want to be the only one that can hear your voice.”
> 
> Seungri’s fingers tremble.
> 
> “I want to be the only one that gets to touch you,” says Jiyong as he pins Seungri’s hands above his head. “I want to be the only one that gets to have you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the great seungri -japanese version dropped this week and WOW... scream still has me in tears. it's so good and it's a shame that it wasn't included in the korean albums :( i hope it soon becomes available for legal streaming and purchasing to international fans. 
> 
> in the mean time, continue to give seungri all the love and support he deserves before he leaves us TT
> 
> oh, and i forgot to mention, this goes back to their second year.
> 
> x,

Kiss me on the mouth and set me free  
Sing me like a choir  
I can be the subject of your dreams  
Your sickening desire  
Don't you wanna see a man up close  
A phoenix in the fire

So kiss me on the mouth and set me free  
But please, don't bite

You can coax the cold right out of me  
Drape me in your warmth  
The rapture in the dark puts me at ease  
The blind eye of the storm  
Let's go for a walk down Easy Street  
Where you can be reborn

And kiss me on the mouth and set me free  
But please, don't bite

Bite - Troye Sivan 

 

 

Many times, Seungri has been slightly terrified of Jiyong.

He has been terrified of his antics, of his actions, of his aggression, of his possessive affection.

Whenever Seungri does something remotely out of what Jiyong wants him to, Jiyong reacts in the outmost hostile manner. He often ignores Seungri, and acts like he can’t hear him, like he can’t see him. Seungri told him once they started to get along that it really bothered him whenever Jiyong ignored him at the beginning, that it actually hurt him quite a lot.

He wish he hand’t.

At the time he told Jiyong of this, Jiyong had laughed, and then sheepishly apologized. He said it had been intentional because he couldn’t stand the sight of him. He told him that Seungri got so deeply under his skin, he didn’t know how to handle him. He said it was embarrassing for him to remember how childish he had been. Then he wrapped him in his arms and and kissed his cheek.

Seungri didn’t think he’d ever do it again.

He was wrong.

The first time Seungri goes out to eat with Seunghyun instead of Jiyong, Jiyong abruptly ignores him for the next few days. At first, he doesn’t know what it was that he did wrong, doesn’t know why he’s being ignored, he just knows his breath staggers when he talks to Jiyong and Jiyong acts like he didn’t hear him. He just knows that his heart is constantly aching when Jiyong choses to hang out with Daesung instead of him. He doesn’t know what it was he did wrong, he just knows that he lays awake at night wondering what happened, where he went wrong, wondering if perhaps Jiyong dislikes him all over again.

Seungri, oblivious to Jiyong’s possessive nature, to his melodramatic antics, tries to coax Jiyong by being extra cute, extra caring, extra attentive, extra everything he knows he can be and do, but Jiyong dismisses his efforts with a single glance, with nothing but silence.

“Don’t pay attention to it,” Youngbae tells him one day as they sit next to each other eating some ramen. “Focus on what you need to do, ignore him. The less you do, the faster he’ll get over it.”

He eyes Jiyong staring at him and Youngbae as they eat, and he can feel Jiyong’s anger growing, but he doesn’t understand why. Jiyong narrows his dark eyes and turns to talk to Seunghyun.

“Yes, Hyung,” he says with a small smile, but doesn’t do that. Instead, he tries even harder.

“Hyung,” he says after five days of Jiyong ignoring him while he is alone in the kitchen grabbing some water. “Will you be coming to bed with me tonight?”

Jiyong ignores him.

“Hyung,” he says again.

He gets ignored again though.

“Hyung,” he says. “I … I…”

Jiyong sets the empty cup in the sink and starts to walk away, but before he does, Seungri speaks again.

“I miss you,” he says, in small voice.

 _He is a man, I am a man, should I really say that?_ He wonders. _Should I even be missing him the way I am? Is this even okay?_

But it seems to be what works for Jiyong.

He scoffs before he speaks.

“Maknae, I find that very hard to believe,” he says with bite.

“I do though,” he says, with a quiver.

Jiyong laughs and starts to walk away.

“Really, really do,” he says after Jiyong.

He wants to tell him he misses him in his bed. He wants to tell him that it might be too much for him to want him in his bed, but that he deeply, most sincerely, wants to be wrapped in his arms as he goes to sleep.

Seungri goes to bed, thinking about how at first he didn’t like being hugged by Jiyong, and now here he is wanting nothing more without being able to have it. He was back to square one. He was back to being unliked by Jiyong, he was back to being ignored, he was back to being invisible. It hurt him more this time around because now he had already experienced what it was like to have Jiyong’s attention, what it was like to be the subject of Jiyong’s affection.

He falls asleep after two hours of tossing and turning, but he wakes soon after that.

He wakes to Jiyong crawling up his body.

He wakes to Jiyong smelling slightly of cigarettes and Soju.

He wakes to Jiyong running his cold, slim fingers up his stomach and his ribs under his shirt.

He wakes with a terrified gasp.

“Hyung?” he asks as he tries to scoot up on the bed.

“It’s Jiyong,” he says with a thick voice, pushing Seungri back down on the bed. “It’s not Seunghyun, and it’s certainly not Youngbae.”

Seungri doesn’t even understand why that would even be something that Jiyong says. Seunghyung and Youngbae never sleep in his room, why would Seungri ever think it was anyone but Jiyong?

“Why would—” he starts but Jiyong cuts him off.

“You said you miss me, right?” Jiyong asks, his breath inches from Seungri’s lips. “Prove that you do.”

Seungri doesn’t get how he would be able to prove that, he doesn’t get how that would be something that Jiyong wants proof of—doesn’t even know what to give to Jiyong as proof.

“Hyung,” he says as Jiyong sits on top of him, almost straddling him.

Jiyong’s heavy eyes rest on his and Seungri doesn’t know how he’s supposed to prove that he misses him, why him missing Jiyong is even being questioned.

“I, h-how?” he asks. “How exactly do you want me to prove it?”

Jiyong leans down again and buries his head in the crock of Seugri’s neck.

“Maknae,” he says breathing against his skin, making Seungri’s entire body shiver.

“Hyung?” he says wrapping his arms around Jiyong, pulling him closer to him.

“I don’t like it,” he says.

And just as fast, he let’s his hands fall to the side.

Seungri hadn’t thought that perhaps Jiyong didn’t want him to hug him at that moment.

“No, not that,” Jiyong says. “I like that, quite a lot actually.”

Seungri wraps his hands around him again. They stay that way for what seems to be hours. The minutes, the silence, stretch between them and their bodies. Jiyong makes no attempt at getting off Seungri and Seungri makes no attempt to get him off of him. His legs beginning to go numb under Jiyong’s weight, but he hadn’t had this in a while and the slight discomfort is nothing.

“I want to cage you,” he says through a thick voice, breaking the silence, and reaching for Seungri’s wrists. “I want to lock you away from everyone that isn’t me.”

Seungri doesn’t understand what he means by that, surely, Jiyong doesn’t mean it.

“Hyung—” he begins, but is interrupted by Jiyong.

“I want to be the only one that gets your time,” he says unwrapping Seungri’s hands from him as he sits up. “The only one that gets your attention, your affection.”

And Seungri can see his eyes now, he can see the seriousness in them, he can see the darkness in them, he can see that he means every word he says. It sends a chill down his spine, and his hands are suddenly cold and clammy.

“I want to be the only one that gets to see you,” Jiyong continues. “I want to be the only one that can hear your voice.”

Seungri’s fingers tremble.

“I want to be the only one that gets to touch you,” says Jiyong as he pins Seungri’s hands above his head. “I want to be the only one that gets to have you.”

Seungri is confused and doesn’t know what to say to any of that. He’s still a boy, he doesn’t have the faintest idea of what Jiyong is actually saying. He doesn’t understand the weight of Jiyong’s every word, of Jiyong’s deepest desires. He understands that Jiyong is on top of him, pinning him against his bed. He understands that Jiyong is saying things that have a deep meaning. He understands that Jiyong is saying that he wants Seungri to be entirely his. He understands that perhaps it’s not normal for any person to be this proprietorial over another person. He understands that Jiyong’s words slightly terrify him.

He understands that.

And yet, Jiyong’s isn’t doing anything more than that to scare him.

Jiyong is pinning his hands above his head, but he isn’t using all of his strength to hold him there. If Seungri wanted to, he could easily throw him off.

Yes, Jiyong crawled up his body in the middle of the night.

Yes, he caressed Seungri’s bare stomach and ribs.

Yes, he scared him awake.

Yes, he was slightly terrified.

Yes.

But, Jiyong, isn’t scary.

Sure, at the beginning, Jiyong terrified Seungri. But, that was before he decided to acknowledge Seungri, that was before he and Seungri spent days and nights together, that was before he begin apologizing after bullying him, that was before he touched him with the outmost care, that was before he caressed his face, his arms, his shoulders, with the out most tenderness.

Jiyong, although can do things that terrify Seungri, isn’t scary.

Seungri knows this.

Seungri _likes_ this.

He does, and yet…

“It can’t be,” he says. “I’m not a thing, I can’t be your possession.”

Jiyong leans down as if to kiss Seungri, but instead, he touches Seugri’s cheek with his own, taking a deep breath, making Seungri’s manhood quiver, before he speaks.

“No,” he says, with a raspy voice. “You’re just my obsession.”

Seungri can’t help but lick his lips.

“Can I?” Jiyong asks.

“Stop asking,” he’s says. “You know I am always going to be okay with you kissing me, you already know I like being kissed by you.”

Jiyong chuckles lightly.

“See, this is what feeds it,” he says. “Your answers, the thickness of your words is what feeds it.”

Seungri feels so bold then.

He doesn’t know what he was so afraid of earlier.

He doesn’t know what he was so scared of.

He doesn’t know why he thought he’d lose this.

He doesn’t now why he thinks this will ever change.

“Not this,” Seungri says as he pulls Jiyong’s lips to his, and kisses him sloppily, inexperienced as he often does. He feels a giggle forming in Jiyong’s lips.

“You’re getting better, Maknae,” says Jiyong. “Open your lips a bit more, follow mine.”

And the thing is, Seungri _doesn’t_ want to follow —he wants to lead.

Because he’s still inexperienced, Jiyong can lead him when they are in the studio, in the practice room, on the stage, in interviews, in meetings. Jiyong can lead him when it comes down to anything that is related to their career, for now anyway.

But, when it comes to matters of their private life, of what they do in their bedroom, on their bed, of their… of their whatever _this_ is, Seungri wants to lead, too. He wants to be in control just as much as Jiyong. He wants to follow and he wants to lead, he wants Jiyong to be what he needs him to be, as long as he let’s Seungri be what he needs.

Seungri sits up slightly and without effort—and quiet frankly, very ungracefully—flips Jiyong on his back so as to hover over him.

Jiyong laughs and covers his eyes before he speaks.

“What’re you doing?” he asks amused.

“Proving that I missed you,” he responds as he leans down to kiss Jiyong. “Can I?”

Jiyong takes his hands off his eyes and places them on the sides of Seungri’s face ever so tenderly.

“I am yours,” he says.

“That’s not a yes,” Seungri says.

“No, it’s a whole lot more than that,” Jiyong responds, pulling Seungri down to his lips.

Seungri attempts to kiss him the way Jiyong kisses him, but then remembers he wants to lead, not just follow.

And so, he kisses him the way he wants, the way he _feels_ is what he needs to be for Jiyong.

He kisses him the way Jiyong doesn’t seem to know how, with ease. He kisses him the way he understands how to kiss, with light, feathery touches, with sweetness dripping from lips. He kisses him the way the flowers drink up the sun, the water, the earth, the sky—with a sense of life. He kisses him as if he has all the time in the world, as if life starts and ends with Jiyong’s mouth, with Jiyong’s tongue. He kisses him the way he feels is just right, the way he feels Jiyong needs to be kissed, with tenderness, with fondness, with warmth. He kisses him with his outmost affection, with his outmost devotion, with his out most sense of lo—

“Love,” says Jiyong against his mouth.

Seungri breaks the kiss and looks at Jiyong, who immediately covers his eyes with the back of his hand.

“Hyung?” he asks.

“Maknae, you…” Jiyong says, trailing off.

“That bad?” he asks sheepishly. “I thought I was doing well.”

Jiyong pulls Seungri against his bare chest, and hugs him tightly.

“Don’t leave me,” he says. “I—, mm, I know that I fuck up, really bad. I make the worst mistakes. I tend to drive people insane, I can easily become ruthless and harsh, and you’ll think of me as the worst person alive —as complete trash— but Maknae, never leave me, never dislike me, never throw me away, never abandon me.”

Seungri didn’t know what he had meant by that. Why would he think that Seungri would leave him?

“And why would I ever do that?” he asks.

“I just told you the reasons,” he responds.

“And yet you’re asking me _not_ to,” counters Seungri. “You’re telling me that I have — _will_ have— reasons to not like you and leave you, but you’re asking me not do it. You’re telling me to stay with you despite them all.”

“Yes, because I’m a selfish son of a bitch,” Jiyong says.

Seungri knows that he means it when he says it, but still.

“And apparently, I am an idiot who only understands that it is you and I,” he says. “I am yours, and now you’ve said you are mine. Why would I leave what’s mine behind?”

“There will be plenty of reasons.”

“You’ve named them all, and I am telling you that I will not leave. I am telling you that you have me—” he starts but Jiyong interrupts him.

“You don’t understand,” he says. “You can’t see—”

“I don’t, I really don’t,” he says. “What I understand is that you have me, and I have you. I understand that it’s you and I. I understand that it’s me and you. Don’t you?”

“I do,” responds Jiyong. “But do you even understand what that means, Maknae? Do you understand that I am making a claim of ownership over you, over every part of your body, over every single one of your thoughts, over each and every single one of your heartbeats? Do you understand that when I claim you as mine, in the same breath —whether I say it or not —I am stating that I am completely and utterly yours?”

Seungri stays silent, letting the weight of Jiyong’s words sink in, trying to analyze every single thing he said, trying to comprehend why his words took his breath away.

Seungri knows that Jiyong is moody, he’s witnessed him being moody.

Seungri knows that Jiyong is harsh, he has been harsh to him before.

Seungri knows that Jiyong can be a complete asshole, he had been an asshole to Seungri up until a few minutes ago.

Seungri now knows that what he used to think of Jiyong’s playful possessiveness, is in no way playful.

Seungri now understands that when Jiyong used to say that Seungri was his, he really mean it; he really considers Seungri his, but he’s also saying he considers himself Seungri’s.

Seungri knows that Jiyong is possessive, compulsive, territorial, and slightly aggressive, but at the same time he is caring, he is tender, he is affectionate, he is loving.

Seungri now knows that what had started off as brotherly affection has now turned into more than that.

Seungri has come to the realization that to some extent, and from a long time ago, he has willingly become Jiyong’s lover.

“I do,” he responds. “We are both boys and it’s weird and a bit hard to fully understand, and many won’t, but I guess it shouldn’t matter since all that should matter is that I am yours and you are mine.”

Jiyong flips them over effortlessly and gracefully.

“Say it again,” he says. “I want to see your eyes as you say it again.”

Seungri licks his lips before he says it.

“I am yours, you are mine,” he says.

Jiyong smiles before he bites his lip.

“But,” Seungri says. “Me saying that doesn’t mean that I am saying you can control everything I do. This whole week you’ve been upset with me because I was hanging out with Youngbae and Seunghyun. All I did was have lunch without you, and you’ve acted as if I’ve gone up to Seunghyun and kissed him and snuck him in my bed. You—”

“You better not,” Jiyong says with a bite.

“You’ve been acting as if I’ve let Youngbae snuggle up to me while we watched a movie and fed him popcorn. You can’t—”

“Maknae!”

“You _can’t_ continue to act as if you can control everything I do. I am yours, but I am still my own person. I am still allowed to do what I want to do even if it doesn’t necessarily align with what you want me to do. And the same goes for you. We can say that we belong to each other, but we _can’t_ possess one another. I’ve had times when I don’t particularly enjoy watching you talk to certain people— it’s happened more than once— but have you seen me push you aside and give you the cold shoulder? No.”

“You have?” asks Jiyong.

“Yes,” says Seungri blushing.

“I haven’t noticed.”

“The others have,” he says remembering how Seunghyun would tease him when he would notice Seungri’s jealousy over Jiyong hugging Daesung.

“I didn’t think you would feel that way,” he says with a smile.

“You’re not the only one that can feel this possessive,” Seungri responds, wanting to hide from this —it’s too embarrassing.

Jiyong chuckles against Seungri’s neck before he speaks again.

“My Maknae, my baby, when did you get so strong?” he asks him playfully.

“Tonight,” responds Seungri.

“Tonight, you’re a strong baby,” says Jiyong with a light chuckle.

“Stop,” he whines.

“No,” Jiyong says. “You’re holding nothing back, I like it —it’s very appealing, sexy even.”

If Seungri was flushing before, he starts to utterly and completely burn with the outmost fervent need to bury himself under the covers and hide from Jiyong who thinks he is sexy, who would have ever thought.

“It makes me want to do things to you, with you,” Jiyong says. “Things that as of right now, you are too young for.”

“Ah, Jiyong-” begin Seungri, his throat suddenly a bit dry.

“Don’t worry I am not going to do anything,” says Jiyong, leaning down to gently place a chaste kiss at Seungri’s temple. “I will just hold you as we go to sleep. I will wait for a night when you are old enough to want me the way I want you now.”

“Hyung—” Seungri starts with the thickest voice he’s ever heard on himself, his heart racing at one hundred beats per minute, all of his blood rushing to his head.

“Let me kiss you one more time,” Jiyong says.

“Hyung,” he says.

“Can I?"

“Thought I was yours —do you really have to continue to ask?”

“You are mine, I am yours, but we are not each other’s possession. Isn’t that what you said?”

Seungri had said that.

“It’s me and you,” Jiyong says leaning in.

“You and I,” says Seungri, pressing his lips against Jiyong’s.

x__x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i almost chose the cigarettes after sex's 'affection' for this chapter, so give it a listen if you'd like. 
> 
> thank you for reading.
> 
> x,


	5. Mine // Yours (interlude)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm giving me, you, i mean i'm giving YOU jiyong's pov because... i think i --we, WE deserve a little bit of dark, jealous, possessive jiyong >.<
> 
> please continue to give a lot of love to seungri bao bao. he deserves a lot of love and support, so please give him tons of it. 
> 
> x,

Am I lost?  
Sent too far away  
Or will my baby come running back to play?  
Is my conscience required to stay?  
Or can we just go home so we can work this thing out?

Oh baby, oh baby, oh baby now  
Oh baby, oh baby, oh baby now

Is there so much harm in cutting the chase?  
You've never been so loved – so wildly appraised  
So bold, so young, with such an eager gaze  
Oh, how I want you baby  
Let me count the ways

Nichole Alden - Baby Now

 

 

Jiyong thought about a lot of things lately.

He thought of Seungri’s warm hand in his, of his high pitched voice, of his long eyelashes, of his soft baby skin, of his shaggy black hair, of his small hands, of his chubby fingers, of his lips against his, of his smile against his neck, of his laugh —oh his laugh, God it is the most amazing sound Jiyong has ever heard.

And the thing is, Jiyong hated it at the beginning.

He hated anything that had to do with Seungri. He couldn’t stand the sight of the boy who dared barged in and tried to make him see him when all Jiyong wanted to do was ignore him, pretend he wasn’t there, as he cooked up a plan to make him disappear.

Jiyong couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that President Yang had decided to include this sixteen year old boy, who was lacking in every aspect, in their group. First of all, he didn’t want to be part of a group. He and Youngbae had always planned on becoming a hiphop duo, like Jinusean. But, one day, that was pulled from under his feet and he was told he and Youngbae would become part of a boy band.

To say that it crushed Jiyong, would be understatement.

But, what really upset him, was Seungri becoming part of the group.

He saw Seungri and all he thought about where those eyes, they were so hopeless and needy. His under circles, they were annoying. His nose, it was so aggravating. His mouth, it was infuriating. His face… his face, he couldn’t stand to look at it. He couldn’t stand to see him, he couldn’t stand to hear him, he couldn’t stand to be near him.

So, he ignored him.

He would see Seungri sitting against Youngbae on the couch, and Jiyong immediately lost his temper. When he saw Seungri whispering with Daesung, he immediately wanted to make sure it never happened again. When he saw Seungri practicing their choreography with Seunghyung, he could feel his blood boiling. Jiyong didn’t want Seungri near them, he didn’t want them near each other. He wanted them to ignore Seungri the way he tried to ignore him, to dislike him the way he disliked him, to _hate_ him the way he hated him.

And if he was being quite honest, Jiyong had no real reason to ignore him, no real reason to dislike him, no real reason to hate him. And yet, he did. He didn’t understand any of it, it actually drove him mad when he tried to dissect it on the nights he couldn’t sleep, which only made it harder for him to settle down, resulting on him being unable to sleep at all.

Often—and without him noticing—he found himself talking about the little pest that was Seungri to Teddy, to President Yang, to his friends, to anyone that would listen, really. Many found it amusing, whereas he found it irritating because despite him disliking him as much as he said he did, he often found that he had remembered all of Seungri’s antics, picked up some of his many exasperating habits, soaked up his scent, memorized the exact sound of his voice, learnt the rhythm of his breathing.

And Jiyong couldn’t help but hate it.

When he thinks about that now, Seungri wrapped in his arms, he can’t help but feel stupid because for some reason, from day one, his heart knew something he didn’t. His heart knew what he denied himself to be allowed to notice, to acknowledge.

At that particular time, to Jiyong, Seungri was a hindrance.

Seungri was an annoyance.

Seungri was an unfitting puzzle piece.

Seungri was an unforgiving burden.

Now, to him, Seungri…

To him now…

Seungri…

Seungri…

To Jiyong, Seungri is…

Seungri is…

His.

He is his.

He is his.

He is his.

His.

He sees Seungri and all he can think of is _‘he is mine, he belongs with me and I belong with him.’_

And the funny thing about that is that no one seems to think he’s being serious when he says that Maknae is his, not even Seungri.

Youngbae seems to think it’s _fun_ to tease him by trying to take Seungri’s attention away from him at every chance he gets. Seunghyun thinks it’s _amusing_ to see Jiyong’s reaction when he tries to wrap Seungri in his arms and kiss his cheek. Daesung doesn’t partake in any of it, but even then—whether it’s on purpose or not—when he takes Seungri out to eat without inviting Jiyong, he gets upset.

Jiyong doesn’t like it when Seungri gives his attention to the others —they don’t need the attention, they don’t deserve the attention—but, Seungri gives it to them anyway. His attention and affection is something that Seungri is quick to offer, and not just to the other members, but to anyone who is willing to receive it. And that bothers Jiyong.

It bothers him when Seungri befriends people from other groups, it bothers him when he flirts with the girls from other groups, it bothers him when he goes out without telling Jiyong who he’s going to go with and where he will be. It gets under Jiyong’s skin when he receives calls when he is with him and Seungri answers with such amusement, with such delight.

More often than not, Seungri notices Jiyong’s annoyance over whatever he’s doing and he ends the conversation with the whoever he is talking to and goes over to Jiyong, he stops flirting at once and moves closer to Jiyong and touches his arm or shoulder or holds his hand —as if to appease him, he comes home early after having hanged out with friends and immediately seeks out Jiyong to wrap him in his arms, he hangs up the phone and gives Jiyong his undivided attention.

More often than not, Seungri accepts Jiyong’s over controlling attitude and let’s it go —allows Jiyong to take control— and just sighs in resignation over Jiyong’s possessiveness and settles into Jiyong, let’s him hug him, let’s him take his hand in his, let’s him whisper in his ear, let’s him run his hands along his arms, along his shoulders, along his stomach, along his jaw, let’s him kiss him when he asks if he can.

There are times Seungri kisses him ever so gently, every so sweetly, ever so lovingly that drives Jiyong insane. How can Seungri kiss him as if he has all the time in the world? How can Seungri, who says he likes Jiyong as much as Jiyong likes him—hold back? How can Seungri not want to undress him —to take him apart? How can Seungri not go insane as their lips collide?

When that happens, Jiyong pulls Seungri closer to him. They can be already as close as they can possibly be and Jiyong will still find a way to pull Seungri closer to him. Seungri will then wrap his arms around Jiyong, and kiss him the way Jiyong has taught him to: hungrily, thirstily, passionately. He kisses him the way Jiyong wants to be kissed: with want, with urge, with an outmost fervent and burning need. He wraps his hands around Jiyong, pulling him even closer to him as if he’s trying to merge their bodies into one and Jiyong wants that, Jiyong needs that, Jiyong loves that, Jiyong _relishes_ in that.

But then again, Jiyong has taught him to kiss him like that, he has taught him to touch him like that, he has taught him to want him like that. And that often makes Jiyong feel insecure as to whether or not Seungri means every kiss, every touch, every word.

Those insecurities lead to Jiyong’s over reactions, to a lot of his jealous behavior.

And he hates it.

He hates it because he feels as if one day, he’s going push Seungri too hard, too rough, and Seungri will end up walking away from him, leaving him behind like many others have. Those others don’t hold a candle to the way he feels towards Seungri, those others are _nothing_ compared to Seungri, which is why, it scares Jiyong even more.

It scares him because a lot of their fighting —arguing, really— stems from his jealousy over anything that Seungri pays attention to, or over anyone that Seungri acknowledges.

Jiyong tries to control himself for the most part because he doesn’t want to push Seungri away.

He tries.

And tries.

And tries again.

And fails.

He fails because Seungri is his, and he is Seungri’s.

He fails because people tend to forget that.

He fails because Seungri tends to overlook that.

He fails because he doesn’t.

Others may forget, or may choose to ignore that Seungri is his and he is Seungri’s, and Seungri himself may choose to overlook that fact, but he never does —he doesn’t think he ever will.

Jiyong reminds Seungri though.

The first time he decides to leave Jiyong and go with Seunghyun and Youngbae to get lunch, Jiyong feels betrayed. He feels left out. He feels pushed aside. And he overreacts. He knows he shouldn’t but as soon as Seungri leaves to go with Seunghyun he feels restless and he feels the need to pull him back to his side and to remind him that he is his. He doesn’t do it, if only because Seunghyun doesn’t tell him where they’re going out to eat.

He ends up ignoring Seungri despite him telling him that he would never ever again do that because Seungri told him it hurt him when he did that at the beginning. He knows he’s being an asshole by ignoring him, but he does it anyway. He begins to treat him like he used to treat him at the beginning, as if he isn’t there, totally and completely invisible.

He sees Seungri’s eyes lose their light every time he does it, he sees his smile break every time he doesn’t acknowledge him, and despite him knowing damn well it hurst Seungri, he takes some kind of pleasure in causing him a bit of pain because perhaps this way, he will understand how Jiyong feels—he will _hurt_ the way Jiyong hurts.

And the thing is, he decides that perhaps this is his time to take back all that time he’s invested in him, this is the time to end whatever he’s started, this is the time to write a couple of songs about what he feels, what it could have been, what it almost was, what it turn out to never be and get it over with. This is the time to let Seungri go—not just to spare Seungri from him, but to save himself from all the hurt that he's so sure will follow.

But, as Jiyong had already known, he’s way past that point. He no longer has the will—the determination—to no longer be Seungri’s. He is already his and his body, his mind, his heart has known this for quite a long time. He just likes being stubborn. Hurting Seungri brings some kind of pleasure to him while at the same time causing an unfathomable anguish and self loathing. He hates that he takes pleasure in hurting Seungri. He hates not being able to stop causing him pain even more.

Before the week is over, he crawls into Seungri’s bed, and Seungri let’s him. Seungri comforts him, Seungri settles him, appeases him, owns him with just a couple of words and a whole lot of kisses, Seungri manages to bring Jiyong’s hot reckless behavior to a complete stop. He manages to make Jiyong want to willingly surrender to his words, to his requests, to his touches, to him.

Seungri asks him to trust him—to trust that he knows he is Jiyong’s as much as Jiyong is his—and to stop trying to control who he sees, talks with, eats with and hangs out with. And he agrees to it because he is right —and because what other option does he have, anyway—he agrees to control his over possessiveness and let Seungri decide what he wants to do, who he wants to be with, and trust that he will continue to choose to be with him—to be his— at the end of everything.

Jiyong _hates_ having to surrender to Seungri, but he hates being without him even more.

Despite that, Jiyong continues to want to cage Seungri, to own him.

A couple of weeks later, and after Jiyong having bought Seungri a cell phone so that they could keep in touch with eachother, Seungri gets a call in front of him from who knows who, and he accepts it while being with Jiyong. He hates it, he hates it so much, but he let’s it go and buries his anger deep inside. Seungri wasn’t on the phone for too long anyway, it’s fine.

The second time it happens, he picks up the phone himself and then passes it over to Seungri —to remind Seungri that he is there, to remind Seungri that they are together. He kisses and licks at Seungri’s neck as he gets the call, and Seungri hangs up the phone almost instantly, wraps his arms around him and let’s Jiyong devour his mouth.

The third time it happens, Jiyong kisses Seungri’s neck, but Seungri gets off the bed, brushes Jiyong away, which causes Jiyong to overreact, and he snatches the phone away, ends the call, and turns the phone completely off.

“Hyung!” Seungri says, with thick aggravation. “Hyung, give me back my phone!”

“No,” Jiyong he responds. “When you are with me, you are with me, and that is all. No one else, just you and I.”

“It’s just a call,” Seungri tells him.

Jiyong ends up grabbing him by his shirt, pulling him forward, and with his other hand he grabs his face to make sure he looks at him when he talks, to make sure he understands what he says when he says it.

“Not when you are with me,” he tells him. “When you are with me, your attention should be on me and me alone.”

Seungri struggles out of his hands and tries to push them off his shirt, but Jiyong doesn’t let go, Seungri is his, and he needs to remember that.

“Hyung,” he starts to protest.

“No,” Jiyong insists, pulling him even closer to him.

“I don’t get it,” Seungri says, both of his hands around Jiyong’s wrist, his eyes slightly echoing fear. “Your attention… your affection…”

Jiyong released him then, understanding that he had— once again— pushed too hard.

“You are mine,” he says, his eyes never leaving Seungri’s.

“I never said I wasn’t,” Seungri tells him. “I didn’t deny it, I never have. From day one, I’ve never objected to being yours.”

“Do you even mean it, Seungri?” he asks.

Seungri releases his grip on his wrists and softly moves his hands up his arms, until they gently cup his face and then he speaks, with a voice so firm yet so tender, “Every single time.”

Jiyong takes a look at Seungri’s eyes and they are no longer fearful, they are warm, they twinkle like the stars in the sky. He leans in, and Seungri pulls back.

“Jiyong, it _can’t_ continue to be like this every time,” Seungri says, resting his hands against Jiyong’s shoulders. “We’ve talked about this, you can’t control everything.”

Jiyong knows.

Oh, he so knows.

But even then.

“I still want to,” he says.

“Hyung.”

“I want you.”

“You have me.”

Jiyong leans in again, and Seungri pulls back again.

“You have me,” he says. “You understand that you have me, right?”

“You are mine,” Jiyong says, with thick desperation. He doesn’t tell him that he is Seungri’s because Seungri already knows he is.

“I am yours,” responds Seungri, moving his hands from Jiyong’s shoulders, to the sides of his neck, pulling him towards him.

Jiyong says with a small quiver, wrapping one hand around Seungri’s waist, pulling him forward, and touching his cheek, his thumb right at the corner of Seungri’s lips, “You are mine and you are never allowed to forget that.”

“I am yours,” says Seungri, a breath away from Jiyong’s lips. “I never, not even for one second, forget that I am yours - because you are mine.”

Jiyong bites his bottom lip right before Seungri’s lips meet his.

Once their lips meet, it’s like an eclipse.

Seungri is Jiyong’s every love song gone wrong. He is every beautiful thought he’s ever had, he is also every frightening want and undisclosed desire. He is his addiction and conviction. He’d go as far as to say that he’d rather have him gone from this world instead of allowing anyone to ever have him, to ever want him, to ever love him because no one in this world, no one in this life, will ever love Seungri the way he loves him.

Jiyong pins him against the wall, wanting to undress him, to touch him, to feel him move under him, skin against skin. He wants to take everything that Seungri has to offer, but knows he can’t have him, not now, not yet because he is still young—because in a way, they both still are. Even then, he pushes him against the wall, taking control of his hands, pinning them against the wall above his head, caging him in, wanting to keep him to himself for as longs as he can, for as long as he wants, for the rest of their entire lives.

Jiyong moves his mouth across Seungri’s jaw, down his neck, licking, kissing, biting until he leaves a trail of marks there, and almost automatically, he feels relieved, at ease. Seungri holds every single dark thought he’s ever had, but he is also the undisputed owner of Jiyong’s place with the moon and the stars.

He refuses to be in a place where Seungri is not there, he refuses to be without him, he refuses to not have him.

Seungri is his.

He is Seungri’s.

And no one is allowed to forget that.

No one is allowed to _ever_ overlook that.

x__x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little after thought:
> 
> i pondered a lot on whether i should or shouldn't include the bit where jiyong says that he'd rather have seungri gone than to let anyone have him, but after thinking about it for a long time (okay that's a lie -i just thought about it right before posting this) i decided to keep it. i know it's slightly over the top and you might go, 'omgggg whattttttt?' but keep in mind that jiyong wrote 'she's gone' listen to the song and pay attention to the lyrics (and if you want -check out his performance of it from his 'shine a light' concert). 
> 
> as i say here and if i want to tie 'she's gone' to seungri --which is what i want hehe-- seungri is jiyong's every love song gone wrong, he is every beautiful thought he’s ever had, he is also every frightening want and undisclosed desire. Seungri holds every single dark thought he’s ever had, but he is also the undisputed owner of Jiyong’s place with the moon and the stars.
> 
> thank you for reading :)
> 
> x,


	6. You and I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these past three days have been terribly exhausting... but, i wanted to update this because i feel we need it. i need it. 
> 
> hope you enjoy.
> 
> oh, last thing forgot to mention - goes back to 2009. 
> 
> x,

You're a song written by the hands of God,  
Don't get me wrong 'cause this might sound to you a bit odd,  
But you own the place where all my thoughts go hiding,  
Right under your clothes, is where I find them,

Underneath your clothes,  
There's an endless story,  
There's the man I chose,  
There's my territory,  
And all the things I deserve,  
For being such a good girl honey

Underneath Your Clothes - Shakira

 

 

Seungri wakes to his phone going off.

He doesn’t want to answer it.

He’s not going to answer it.

He’s going to sleep right through it, yes he is.

“Can you please turn that off?” says a groggy voice.

And, ah, that’s right.

Jiyong is in his bed this morning for the first time in almost ten days. Maybe less, but it’s felt longer. Last night, they had a dinner to finally celebrate Jiyong’s birthday and the releasing his album. Seungri almost didn’t make it, not for lack of not wanting to go, but he got tied up doing other matters that Jiyong believes could have waited—but, Seungri begs to differ.

Seungri got there almost two hours late.

Jiyong called him three times: the first call was him being understanding, somewhat; the second one was him getting annoyed; and the third one was him saying, _“Fine, if you don’t want to come then don’t_!”

He also sent him too many messages, each one meaner the previous one. The messages went from:

_Seungri-ah, hurry and get here quick! I want to see you ~_

_I’m saving you a seat right next to me ~_

_The food’s gonna get cold if you don’t hurry!_

_Your favorite dish is completely gone now._

_Everyone but you is here._

_Where are you, exactly?_

_Why aren’t you coming?_

_Are you coming or not?_

_Fine. Don’t come. I don’t want you here, anymore._

When Seungri had gotten there, Jiyong had ignored him for the first ten minutes. Seungri had walked up to his table, greeted him, and Jiyong had given him the cold shoulder. There no longer was a seat next to him for Seungri because Jiyong was sitting on two seats.

Seungri decided to ignore it because it was probably the best thing for him to do, all things considered. And so, he greeted everyone else around him and then he went to greet the Hyungs who were all seated together with Seven and Chaerin. It was such a weird combination, Seungri figured that they had sat in different tables, but had somehow ended up like this.

He figured that if he wasn’t welcomed to the party anymore, he might as well go home since he was completely beat. He would have to deal with Jiyong for leaving, but he’d at least be rested and in a better condition to deal with his nonsense.

“Are you okay?” had asked Youngbae, who bless him, always cared about Seungri’s health—not that the others didn’t, but aside from Jiyong and Youngbae, the others weren’t so vocal about it. “You look like you’re sick.”

“I'm fine,” he said. “Just tired.”

“You look like you’re burning up.”

And was he? He didn’t think he was.

“I don’t think I—”

“Let me check,” interrupted Seunghyun getting to his feet and placing one hand against the back of his head and the other against his forehead, getting a bit too close to him, smiling the entire time. “You’re definitely too warm.”

“No,” he responded as he pulled himself from Seunghyun’s cold hands. “Your hands are just too cold.”

“No, that’s not it,” said Seunghyun. “Younbae, come check.”

“Alright, I'll me check,” said Youngbae, getting to his feet, walking up towards Seungri.

“Hyung,” begin Seungri. “You don’t need to check, I'm completly fi-”

But, before he new it, Youngbae was already grabbing him by his shoulder and placing his hand on his forehead, then moving it down his cheek, and then down his neck.

“Um,” said Seungri for lack of words because Youngbae was literally touching his neck and breathing all up on his space.

“I think you are too warm,” he said after ten-seconds. “But, hmm, I’m not too sure. Chearin why don’t you check?”

“I don’t think anyone else needs to check,” said Seungri, backing away from Youngbae at the same time that Chaerin got to her feet.

“Okay,” she said. “I’ll check.”

“I don’t really think that’s—” he being but was interrupted by an unamused familiar, too familiar, voice.

“Necessary,” said Jiyong, his face completely cold, as he grabbed Seungri’s wrist and pulled him out of Youngbae’s space.

“We’re just checking to see if he has a fever,” said Youngbae.

“I already checked, but I couldn’t tell if he was _hot_ ,” said Seunghyun with a cool smile. “So, Youngbae stepped in to check. But he can’t tell either, so now Chaerin is going to check. And if she can’t tell, Seven will do it next.”

Seven nodded.

“Oh, is that what you’re doing?” asked Jiyong not taking his eyes off Seunghyun. “Then I’ll check, too.”

Jiyong walked behind Seungri, pulled him against his chest, wrapped his arms around his waist tightly, possessively, and ran the tip of his nose from behind Seungri’s ear, down his neck and up again.

Seungri’s face started to burn.

Most of everyone in the restaurant knew about them —they never made a public ‘ _we’re doing this and a little bit of that and plan to do a whole lot of that_ ’ announcement because Jiyong said it wasn’t their business and therefore completely unnecessary—because they could not ignore the way they both were so public about their relationship. They acted like lovers before they started being lovers. They acted like lovers the moment they started being lovers. They acted like lovers even during _that_ time. They’re acting like lovers now that they are again.

But, still, how could Jiyong, in the middle of the restaurant, in front of everyone that doesn’t usually see them like this, do this?

“He wasn’t before,” he said moving to the other side of his neck. “But now he is.”

Oh, that's right. 

Jiyong did this because he didn't care. Seungri was his and he was Seungri's.

Those that wanted to accept it for what it was did and those who were too blind to see it ignored it. 

Either way, it made no difference to the two of them.

Seunghyun laughed, clearly amused at having worked Jiyong up. Of course, Seungri realized then that this is what Seunghyun wanted from the beginning: to provoke Jiyong’s jealous, possessive nature, as he often did. He liked doing that a lot. Not only with Jiyong, but Seungri, too. Seungri has always thought that Seunghyun has too much time on his hands and Jiyong and Seungri not so much in their brains when he does this.

“Let’s go,” said Jiyong, pulling Seungri towards his table.

“You walked right into that one,” Seungri said as he took his seat.

“I will walk right into each and every singe one that involves you,” Jiyong responded simply, giving Seungri a plate of food. “Eat.”

Seungri spent the rest of the night next to Jiyong, his exhaustion having vanished the moment Jiyong held him in his arms.

Jiyong held his hand.

Jiyong leaned against him.

Jiyong engaged him in his conversations.

Jiyong, as always, laughed at his jokes.

Jiyong fed him. Twice.

Jiyong hugged him after he blew the candles on his cake, and gave him the first slice.

Jiyong thanked everyone for coming to his dinner, turning to Seungri, smiling, every now and again as he spoke.

Jiyong pulled him outside the restaurant, as fireworks went off.

Jiyong wrapped his arms around his waist as they looked up at the vibrant night sky.

“Do you like it?” he asked in a small whisper against his ear, sending chills down his spine.

“Very much,” said Seungri. “I like fireworks.”

“I thought so. That’s why I made sure to have them, just for you.”

“For me?”

“You seemed to really like them the last time I had them at your birthday,” explained Jiyong. “So, I wanted you to see them again.”

“But today’s not my birthday,” said Seungri turning slightly to see his face. “It’s yours.”

“And I, want to see you happy, even on my birthdays.”

“Really?”

“Specially on my birthdays.”

“Why’s that?”

“I want you to be so happy it makes you want to spend the rest of them with me.”

Seungri blushed as more fireworks exploded in the sky.

“Well,” he said in a small whisper. “It’s working.”

Jiyong smiled against his neck, and Seungri turned to kiss him, ignoring anyone that might see. Ignoring everything around them. In that moment, it was just the two of them.

“Seungri-ah,” says Jiyong pulling him back to the morning after. “Your phone.”

“It’s about stop ringing,” he says because he doesn’t want to get up and as soon as he says that, his phone goes completely off.

But then it rang again.

“Can you please?” Jiyong says stirring next to him.

“I don’t want to,” he says with the cutest voice he can manage so early in the morning.

Jiyong groans as the phone goes off one more time.

“Fine,” he says and reaches over to grab the phone, lets out a long, suffering sigh and then answers. “Seungri’s phone.”

Followed by, “He’s sleeping.”

And then, “Yes, I’ll tell him.”

An empty small laugh, and then, “Thank you.”

Jiyong tosses the phone on the feet of the bed and then pulls Seungri against him, wrapping his arms around him, caging him in the way Seungri has learned to like, to need, to miss. Almost automatically, Seungri pulls himself half on top of Jiyong wanting to be as close as they can possibly be.

Jiyong chuckles lightly before he speaks again.

“Jonghoon wants you to call him,” he says. “Didn’t say why.”

“Didn’t say?” Seungri asks against Jiyong’s bare collar bone.

“Didn’t care to ask.”

“Okay,” Seungri says, shifting to run his nose against the side of Jiyong’s neck.

“Mmm,” murmurs Jiyong as he runs his feathery soft fingers from the top of Seungri’s back, down the bottom of Seungri’s spine.

At the beginning, when Jiyong gave him his first cell phone—and because Jiyong said he bought it for him so that they could keep in contact—Jiyong felt the need to check each and every single one of Seungri’s messages, to screen all of his calls, and he often went into a whirlwind of possessive actions and words when Seungri received calls that weren’t from him. Specially, if those calls and messages were received right in front of him.

Now, Jiyong gives him his messages if he receives any of Seungri’s calls. Jiyong just sighs and pretends to be unfazed as Seungri answers his calls and he no longer tries to coax Seungri into hanging up the call, doesn’t snatch the phone from Seungri’s hands. Jiyong tries to act as if he isn’t bother in the slightest by the calls, but still  makes small comments asking if Seungri can just let the call go to voicemail if it’s not important or asking if Seungri could perhaps take less time when he takes his calls.

Which, of course, Seungri wants to do.

After having gone through what they’ve gone through, Seungri has come to want to ignore calls not coming from his family or from the staff when he’s with Jiyong because he’d rather spend every second he can have with Jiyong _with_ Jiyong.

Seungri wants to talk to him, he wants to tell him about everything that happens to him because he wants him to know everything there is to know about him. He wants him to drown in the sound of his voice so that he can hear it even when they’re not together. He wants him to dream of his voice, he wants him to hear his voice everywhere he goes. He wants him to know his giggling by heart. He wants him to learn him, to yearn him.

He also wants to listen to Jiyong. He wants to hear his stories, his whining—which he does a lot of, and Seungri finds rather adorable—his thoughts. He also wants to hear him working on lyrics, as he pulls them out of thin air when they’re in bed together. He wants to watch him move his beautiful fingers against paper as he writes down his ideas, his thoughts, the lyrics, the poems. He loves watching him when he's so deep in concentration, the way his face becomes cold, calculative, his eyebrows pulled together is one of the most beautiful things in the world.

Seungri wants to listen to the demos of all the songs Jiyong creates. He loves listening to his rawness in them before he turns them into Bigbang songs—or his solo songs. Jiyong’s voice as he does each of the members voices, the verses, the different notes he hits is indescribably beautiful. Every time Seungri sees him working on the songs late at night in their bedroom, so concentrated, it makes Seungri fall even more in love. He can’t help but want to have him—to make him entirely his.

Seungri wants to hug him, tightly, he wants to run his fingers along Jiyong spine, place them against his hips and pull them closer. He wants to kiss him, and not just his lips. He wants to kiss his soft cheeks, his strong forehead, his warm temples, the ever-inviting sides of his neck, his throat, his collar bones, his broad chest. He wants to run his lips from his, down his chin, to his throat, down his chest, against his ribs, to his belly button, down his happy trail, living little marks in his wake until he reaches his—

“Are you hungry?” Jiyong asks, breaking Seungri’s train of thought.

Seungri shakes his head, his face completely blushed because he is hungry, but not necessarily for food, “No, I’m sleepy.”

“Okay,” says Jiyong and gently starts to run his fingers along Seungri’s scalp, massaging it. As if he were a child, he hums him a song, lulling him to sleep, lulling him to dream of him, of them.

Seungri feels so warm.

So unbelievably warm.

And loved.

So incredibly loved.

Seungri feels so loved by one person, by the only person that really matters to him, the only person he wants to be loved by.

Jiyong has told him he loves him many times, he has publicly announced it on national television, he has announced it on radio shows, in interviews, in songs and everywhere in between.

And those times, he’s been honest.

He’s said the truth—he’s told Seungri that it’s been the truth.

Each time he’s said it, he’s made Seungri’s heart drop.

He has made his breathing catch.

He has made every inch of his body tingle.

He has made him feel so indescribably happy.

But none of those times beat the times he’s whispered it to him, his lips against his ear when he thinks Seungri has fallen asleep. The way the words fall off his tongue, dripping honey, the way his voice goes so completely serene and sincere and velvety, and complete raw with honesty; the way he says it like an oath, like a secret, like a prayer makes Seungri’s heart explode with so much delight, so much devotion, so much love.

Like now.

“Seungri,” Jiyong whispers sleepily, with a hum. “I love you. I love you so much.”

Seungri’s heart speeds up and he feels and hears its drumming inside his body, he swears Jiyong can hear it, too.

“I love you,” he continues between yawns. “It’s me and you against the world.”

Jiyong’s words are engraved in every part of his mind, in every beat of his heart, in every inch of his body.

And because his words are so deeply engraved in him, in everything that is his, he hangs on to them.

He hangs on to them now.

He knows he will hang on to them forever.

He hanged on to them when he needed them the most.

He hanged on to them when he was at his worst.

He hanged on to them when Jiyong left him, leaving him completely lost.

He hanged on to them when he was heart broke.

x__x


	7. Me and You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you were waiting on me to update this, i apologize OTL  
> i actually finished this since last year and it's been ready i just haven't been feeling well.  
> thank you for your patience and thank you for waiting <3
> 
> this goes back to chapter 5, seungri's version + explanation of the end of the previous chapter
> 
> also, please continue to show your support for seungri, after what has happened and with him enlisting very soon our soft, honest, hard working seungri deserves nothing but love and support <3
> 
> x

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you  
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do  
I'd never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you  
And I'd never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you

No, I don't want to fall in love  
No, I don't want to fall in love  
With you  
With you

What a wicked game you played to make me feel this way  
What a wicked thing to do to let me dream of you  
What a wicked thing to say you never felt this way  
What a wicked thing to do to make me dream of you

Wicked Game (Chris Isaak) cover by James Vincent McMorrow

 

The first time it happened, the _first and only_ time it happened, Jiyong lost it— _really_ lost it.

Seungri had never seen him the way he had that day.

Up until that day, up until that exact moment, Jiyong had never ever acted as controlling, as possessive, and aggressive.

At first, Seungri didn’t know what to do—what to say—to make it all stop. It took Seungri by surprise and he found himself, feeling puzzled. He didn’t know how to act, because he was still a kid—they _both_ were.

Jiyong pulled him towards him, holding his head steady, forcefully, with his other hand. To be quite honest, it slightly terrified Seungri.

And because he, once again, found himself not understanding Jiyong and desperately wanting to, he couldn’t keep himself from asking. And so, with a small tremble he said, “I don’t get it, your attention… your affection…”

When Jiyong said, “You are mine,” although it was just a statement, it sounded like a question.

Seungri understood then that what he wanted was to hear it come straight from Seungri despite Seungri having always said it was he and him, him and he. Despite Seungri having made it painfully clear that his entire being, although it first belonged to himself, it ultimately belonged to Jiyong.

“I never said I wasn’t,” said Seungri in a small quiver. “I didn’t deny it, I never have. From day one, I’ve never objected to being yours.”

Those were the first words that came out of Seungri’s lips.

Admitting that out loud made Seungri feel opened and exposed. Seungri was Jiyong’s. And in return, Jiyong was his. It was the truth. It was _their_ truth all along.

But then, Jiyong asked, “Do you even mean it, Seungri?”

It took Seungri by surprise and it hurt a bit because had Seungri not established that he did? Had he not gotten his feelings across each time? Had he perhaps not given as much as Jiyong gave to him? Perhaps this was his time to give more. This was his time to give, to show Jiyong a bit more gentleness, more tenderness, more love.

Seungri eased his pose a bit and released Jiyong’s hands, softly, carefully, moving his hands up Jiyong’s arms, until they gently cupped his face, he eased his jaw, and gave him a small solemn smile before he spoke.

“Every single time,” he said as firm as he can manage.

Jiyong looked at him —really, looked at him— and Seungri could practically feel Jiyong soften under his touch, he could hear his breathing ease, he could see his brows relax, he could practically feel him growing warmer, gentler, before he leans in.

And the thing is, Seungri wants to kiss him.

He wants him to kiss him.

He wants him to feel him.

He wants him to touch him.

He knows it’d be easier if he did.

He knows that kissing him, letting him run his devilish tongue down his neck, bite marks into the tender skin of his neck, letting him claim him even more than he already does, will ease him.

He knows this.

He knows it would be easier this way —they won’t have to work through Jiyong’s over possessiveness and Seungri won’t have to, again, tell him that Seungri is Seungri's before he is Jiyong’s and vice versa. But, he’s said it before and he knows that Jiyong will say that even if Seungri says it, in the end, ultimately, Jiyong is still Seungri’s the way Seungri is Jiyong’s.

And to an extent, Seungri knows Jiyong is right.

Seungri can say that he is his own person.

He can say that he belongs to him.

But in the end, one word, one touch, from Jiyong can turn his world upside down.

But even then, he pulls back.

He pulls back because he feels he needs to pull back and set up boundaries, build a wall—a wall Jiyong will break almost instantantly because Seungri will let him tear it down.

“Jiyong, it can’t continue to be like this every time,” he manages to say, resting his shaky hands against Jiyong’s shoulders. “We’ve talked about this, you can’t control everything.”

He can’t.

Seungri knows this.

Jiyong knows this.

But Seungri knows it won’t keep him from wanting to—from trying to.

“I still want to,” Jiyong says.

Seungri isn’t surprised.

Seungri expected him to say that.

“Hyung,” he says, with slight amusement.

“I want you,” Jiyong says, his eyes on fire.

Jiyong, Seungri notices, wants what he already has—what is already his.

“You have me,” he says simply.

Jiyong leans in again, and Seungri pulls back slightly.

“You have me,” he says because he does. “You understand that you have me, right?”

“You are mine,” Jiyong says, his voice thick, heavy.

“I am yours,” he tells him because he is.

Seungri moves his hands from Jiyong’s shoulders, to the sides of his neck, pulling him towards him, towards his waiting lips.

But before meeting his lips, Jiyong wraps one arm around Seungri’s waist, pulling him forward tightly, and touching his cheek with his other hand, his thumb right at the corner of Seungri’s lips, he whispers, ever so gently, so possessive, so raw, yet so soft, setting Seungri’s whole being on fire, “You are mine and you are _never_ allowed to forget that.”

“I am yours,” says Seungri, a breath away from Jiyong’s lips because at the end of it all that is their truth: Seungri is Jiyong’s as much as Jiyong is Seungri’s. “I never, not even for one second, forget that I am yours.”

As soon as Jiyong’s lips meet his, everything that was wrong automatically fixes itself.

Everything is right.

Every wall, every boundary, is broken in an instant.

And that’s the thing about them, that’s perhaps where they go wrong.

Every time Jiyong pushes, Seungri pulls.

Every time Jiyong is wrong, Seungri is right.

Every time Jiyong is fire, Seungri is ice.

Every time Jiyong is night, Seungri is day.

Every time Jiyong is sun, Seungri is moon.

Every time Jiyong is dark, Seungri is light.

They are divine opposites.

They can’t seem to be able to co-exist.

But that doesn’t stop them from trying.

Once they're together, once their bodies meet, once their lips collide, they explode in on each other. They take, they give, they receive. They love, and God, it’s so good—too good.

And it terrifies Seungri because despite him wanting them to find a middle ground, one word from Jiyong, one touch, throws it all out the window. His heart—his body—reacts to Jiyong’s possessive words, his touches, his fingers, his lips. His whole being becomes consumed with want, with the outmost fervent urge to have Jiyong, to be entirely his, to make Jiyong entirely his.

That day, Jiyong pinned Seungri against the wall, kissed him so hard and raw—Seungri’s chest felt as if it would suffocate, he couldn’t breathe, and yet, all he wanted was for Jiyong to pull him closer, to kiss him harder, to kiss him everywhere, to let his precise gently fingers roam his body.

When Jiyong moved his lips across his jaw, down his neck and begin to kiss and bite galaxies into his skin, all of Seungri got hotter, needier, hungrier. He could feel his pants become tighter, he could feel a burning need to touch Jiyong, to have Jiyong touch him. His desire for Jiyong, to have all of Jiyong kept growing, he kept craving, needing, wanting.

And so, he did just that.

Effortlessly, he pulled his hands free from where Jiyong had them above his head and against the wall. He moved them wherever he could reach, on Jiyong’s neck, down his shoulders, down his back, pulling him closer and closer every time, as Jiyong moved to kiss the other side of his neck. When Seungri reached Jiyong’s hips, he pulled him ever so close against him, and Seungri could not only feel his erection, but Jiyong’s, too.

Seungri, although he was new to this— _sex_ —he had touched himself before. He found what he liked and what he didn’t; found how he liked to be touched, and how he didn’t. He hadn’t really imagined how his first time would be, never really set up a scenario in his mind. Sure, when he was younger and before he started sleeping in the same bed as Jiyong, he thought that the first time he’d ever have sex, or come close to having sex, it would be with a girl. He thought about how it would all start, how he would touch her, how she would touch him, how he would like it, how he hoped she did too.

That has long changed, though. When he’s thought about having sex, he hasn’t really thought about how it would all work out. Specifically, because he knew for sure it was not going to be with a girl anymore—he’s Jiyong’s, his body reacts to Jiyong, his heart… his heart does, too. And so, what he wants is to have Jiyong have him, to touch him. He wants Jiyong to kiss every inch of his burning body, and set them both on fire, to have their bodies align and collide where their lives begin, where the world ends.

With that in his mind, Seungri moves against Jiyong. He feels Jiyong’s lips freeze against his neck and Seungri doesn’t allow himself to think much about it, he just moves again and again. Jiyong’s breath catches, and Seungri can hear and feel the small puffs of breath that come out of Jiyong’s mouth, they are so warm, they sound like a song, as they set fire to his wet skin.

Seungri likes it so much he keeps moving, making sure he ruts right on Jiyong’s hard cock. It doesn’t take long before Jiyong is moving with him, releasing his delicious warm breath against his skin as he continues to slightly bite into it. Jiyong’s raspy intakes of breath make Seungri even harder.

“I,” huffs Jiyong so close to Seungri’s jaw.

Seungri goes in for Jiyong’s lips at the same time that he moves agains’t him again, Jiyong moans against Seungri’s lips, causing Seungri to pull Jiyong’s bottom lip between his lips, and bite.

That makes Jiyong move against Seungri harder, rougher, tighter.

“I can’t…” he huffs as Seungri moves with him. “I can’t, uh, ah, umm, breathe.”

Seungri can’t either.

But he can’t stop.

And, so he moves them again.

And again.

He can hear Jiyong’s little breaths escape his mouth and God, his sounds are so delicious, so obscene. Seungri begins to feel even warmer, hotter, so, so, so incredibly hot.

“Jiyong,” he says, between huffs as he feels the hottest pull against his belly, down to his groin, as Jiyong rocks them again, and again, his breath hotter than before. His moans so quick and hot, so incredibly filthy, they drown out any thought Seungri had in his mind, and they go directly to his hard cock.

“Seungri,” Jiyong says between moans, “ _My_ Seungri.”

“Yours,” Seungri agrees with a moan.

And suddenly, Seungri is coming.

And apparently, so is Jiyong.

He comes with a moan against Seungri’s lips.

Seungri kisses him, completely blissed out, and Jiyong kisses him back.

Seungri moves his lips away from Jiyong, and kisses his jaw before letting out a small giggle. He had just come for the first time with someone else, _with_ , Jiyong—with _his_ Jiyong. It wasn’t exactly what he had in mind—not that he had anything in mind, per-say. Sure, plenty of times he’s thought about wanting to have sex with Jiyong, but he’s never been quite sure as to when and how that would happen and the semantics of it still leaves him breathless. But, for sure, he never imagined that they would dry hump before they actually had sex.

And that’s not to say that Seungri’s disappointed. No. If anything, this has made him want Jiyong to have him, to make him his—completely his. He wants to have Jiyong’s naked body against his, his cock against his before he puts it in—or, will he put it in? He’s not sure. But, they’ll figure it out, of that he’s certain.

“Hyung,” says Seungri with a smile against Jiyong’s neck about to comment on how amazing that had felt, how it beats him doing it on his own, how now he doesn’t actually want to do it on his own anymore.

But…

Jiyong pulls back, abruptly, almost pushing himself away from Seungri.

“Hyung?” he asks.

“I… I’m,” Jiyong begins, his eyes wide with horror. “Fuck. Jesus fucking Christ!”

“What?” Asks Seungri. “What’s wrong?”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” he says rubbing his hands along his forehead. “What the fuck did I do. Fuck. I didn’t want to do this. Fuck.”

“Oh,” Seungri says, his heart shattering for some reason.

Had he just forced Jiyong to do this?

Had he done this against Jiyong’s will?

Had he…?

Had he?

Oh. My. _God_.

He had.

He hadn’t asked for permission.

Jiyong always asked for permission to kiss him.

Jiyong, without fail, asked him for permission to touch him, to kiss him.

Jiyong, every single time, asked him if it was alright for him to kiss him.

And he hand’t.

He hadn’t.

He had failed to do so.

He had failed.

He had failed because right at that moment, he had only cared about his wants, his needs, his desires. He hand’t cared about Jiyong—he hand’t even thought about whether or not Jiyong wanted to do this. He had just done what he wanted, what he craved for.

He should’ve stopped the moment Jiyong froze against his neck when he moved against him.

He should have stopped.

He should have.

But he didn’t.

He didn’t.

“I’m… so— really, I’m, so, so sor—” he begins, tears filling his eyes. “I didn’t mean, I didn’t—I shouldn’t have, God, I’m so, so, sorry.”

“No, Seungri,” Jiyong says, moving his hand towards Seungri, but then stopping himself.

“I shouldn’t have,” says Seungri, his vision blurred by his tears. “I’m so sorry.”

“Fuck, no, that’s not what I meant, at all, Seungri,” Jiyong says, anger boiling at the tip of his tongue. “Fuck. Don’t cry. Shit.”

“I can’t stop.”

“Fuck. I always knew this would be a bad idea. Fuck.”

What would be a bad idea? Them? This?

How would it have been bad?

Had Jiyong not thought about this ever? No, that’s not it. He had said he did.

Then… what?

“What —?” he starts, but is interrupted by Jiyong suddenly rising to his feet.

“I’m so sorry, Seungri,” he says, not looking at Seungri. “I should have stoped this —I shouldn’t have even started this.”

_Too late_ , Seungri thought as Jiyong left the room without another word, without another glance at him.

Seungri just sat there, wondering how it all came spiraling down.

Wondering how his heart was still aching, hours after Jiyong had left.

Wondering if that was how it felt to be rejected—unwanted.

Wondering if he’d ever overcome it.

Wondering if he’d ever be able to meet Jiyong’s eyes without feeling ashamed.

Wondering if he’d ever piece himself back together.

Wondering if he’d be the same as he had always been.

And knowing, knowing damn well that this changed everything.

Knowing it wouldn't be he and Jiyong again.

Knowing it wouldn’t be Jiyong and he, ever again.

“I thought you said it’d always be you and I?” he whispered to the empty room.

x__x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading ~
> 
> there's only 3 more chapters left on this, they are all mostly done, i'm just going to go back to re-read and edit and they should be up in the next few days. 
> 
> x,


	8. You and I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't believe in valentine's day... but i believe in jiyong and seungri's love. 
> 
> this chapter is the continuation to chapter 6 and is told by both--seungri and jiyong.
> 
> please note, that additional tags have been added. 
> 
> i hope you enjoy.
> 
> x,

Floating on the water ever changing  
Picture hours out from land  
In tune with all our dreams

Deftones - Sextape

 

 

Seungri wakes to an empty bed.

By now, he’s used to it.

He really is.

But, he wished he could’ve woken up still wrapped in Jiyong’s arms the way he had fallen asleep.

Today and tomorrow are his days off, and he wished he could have gotten a chance to mention it to Jiyong.

If he had, today and tomorrow he could have spent them with Jiyong—or rather, he hoped he could have spent them with Jiyong. He wanted them to watch a movie, maybe start a new drama. They never finished watching Boys Over Flowers, if only because it started to drag on and because they got too busy. Perhaps they could have finished it, but knowing Jiyong, he would have preferred to start Queen Seondeok. Jiyong likes history dramas, Seungri not so much, but if he’s watching them with Jiyong, it doesn’t really matter to him.

They could have also ordered some yummy chicken from their usual place—maybe Jiyong would have agreed to them having some Italian, too, since Seungri’s been craving some lasagna—and have some chocolate ice-cream for dessert. Jiyong loves sweets. Seungri does too, but Jiyong likes them the most. Perhaps they could’ve also had some of the sushi Seunghyun-Hyung bought for them the last time.

They could have caught up with sorting through their clothes —Jiyong’s clothes are all over the place these days. Seungri can’t even find space for his clothes. They usually use Seungri’s room as a closet because they always sleep in Jiyong’s room, which in reality, is their room. But, for the sake of it, they each have their own room. When Jiyong isn’t with Seungri, Seungri sleeps in his room. Specially these days, what with GD-TV filming still going on.

They could have also completed Seungri’s puzzles. He bought four just recently and Jiyong loves helping him put them together, if only because he gets to just sit behind Seungri, wrap his arms around him, and tell him the piece he has grabbed isn’t the right one.

They could have also re-read Romeo and Juliet. They both love the movie, but they enjoy reading the book even more. Well, that’s not all together true. Jiyong likes reading it, and Seungri loves hearing him read it. It’s a win-win for them.

They could have done so much.

But, now they won’t be able to.

With a disgruntled sigh, Seungri gets out of bed, makes his way to the bathroom, and hops in the shower. As he lets the water glide down his skin, he decides that when he comes out, the first thing he’s going to do is order some food.

After he washes himself, he steps out of the shower, wraps the towel around his waist, brushes his teeth and walks back to the bedroom. That’s where he finds him, sprawled out on the bed, playing with Gaho who is chewing up a toy on the ground.

“Good boy,” Jiyong tells Gaho. “You’re growing so strong.”

Gaho barks in return before biting on his toy again.

“I thought you weren’t here,” Seungri says and Jiyong leaves Gaho in favor of sitting up and looking at Seungri.

“I, uh, just went to get some food,” Jiyong responds. “Bought you some Chinese and fried chicken.”

Seungri nods as Jiyong looks him up and down, biting his bottom lip.

“Thank you.”

Jiyong nods before he gets to his feet and walks over to Seungri, slowly, softly, as so not to startle him.

“Want to take a shower before we eat?” Seungri asks him, trying his hardest not to let his body react to Jiyong’s gaze.

Jiyong shakes his head ‘no.’

“I showered before going to get the food,” he tells him, a foot away from him.

“You should’ve woken me up then,” Seungri says, as a bead of water falls from his still wet hair, down the side of his cheek, to his jaw, and glides down his chest and Jiyong’s eyes follow.

“You know,” Jiyong begins as his fingers gently graze Seungri’s cheek and Seungri trembles slightly. “You’re going to catch a cold if you don’t change.”

Seungri can’t do anything but stay there, his heart is going in double time, his blood is rushing through his veins, his body is catching fire, his head is slightly dizzy, his feet are going weak.

Jiyong moves his fingers across Seungri’s jaw, settling his hand right under it, as his fingers touch his neck, and his thumb traces small soothing circles against his cheek.

“My gorgeous, sweet, amazing baby,” Jiyong says, his voice sounding ten times more seductive than Seungri’s ever heard it.

Seungri can’t help but lean in to his gentle touch, to his velvety voice.

“I want to kiss you,” Jiyong says.

Seungri opens his mouth to say yes, but Jiyong doesn’t let him.

“Every inch of you.”

“I, ah—” begins Seungri, his cheeks flaring up, his voice cracking, his mouth going dry.

“I want to roam your body.”

“You—”

“I want to have you.”

“Jiyo—"

“I want to make love to you.”

“Y-ya—”

“I want to fuck you.”

Seungri’s head is spinning, his pulse is running, his dick is responding.

“Can I?” asks Jiyong.

Seungri doesn’t even have to think about it—he wants this as much as Jiyong wants it, sometimes he thinks he wants it more than he does. As possessive as Jiyong has always been, he has always been so set on giving Seungri more than enough time to really decided whether or not he wants to be with him; as if Seungri doesn’t want to be with him more than he wants anything else.

He leans in to kiss him and Jiyong lets him, he pulls him in gently, un-rushed, and kisses him so chaste, so gently, his lips move ghostly against Seungri’s. He moves his other hand to wrap it along Seungri’s waist and pulls him closer against him before he pulls his lips away from his.

“Can I?” he asks him again.

Of course he would ask him again because that’s the type of person Jiyong—his Jiyong—is.

“Yes,” responds Seungri making sure his eyes meet Jiyong’s. “I want you to kiss me, all of me. I want you to kiss, lick, bite where you want, where I need it. I want you—your fingers—to roam my body, to reach every inch, every mole, every freckle. I want you to take me apart and put me back together, piece by piece. I want you. I want you to have me in every way imaginable.”  
Jiyong smiles, biting his bottom lip, but doesn’t say anything which only makes Seungri continue.

“I want you to let me have you, all of you. I want you to let me discover places on your body you might not even be aware of. I want you to let me go where no one else ever has. I want you to let me open your body and let me be a little naughty. It might be the first time I ever do this, but even then, I want to have you, all of you.”

Jiyong’s face is completely flushed by the time Seungri has finished saying what he wanted to say, what he wanted to convey to him to make sure he knew for sure that he was completely and utterly ready to be with him, that he’s been ready to be with him in every essence of the word.

“A, hm, simple ‘yes’ would’ve sufficed,” Jiyong tells him, grabbing a hold of his hand and pulling him towards the bed.

“Yes,” he responds. “But I wanted to talk about you, to talk about me, to talk about our love, and about sex. I wanted to make sure I got my point across, to make sure you knew that I want you, that I’ve always wanted you.”

Jiyong turns them around as they stand right in front of their bed, and gently pushes Seungri on to the bed before he speaks, his voice so deliciously thick with want, “In that case, I’m going to hold you to every word you just said.”

And Seungri, well, Seungri really hopes he does.

x—x

The ocean takes me in to watch you shake it  
Watch you wave your powers  
Tempt with hours of pleasure  
Take me one more time  
Take me one more wave  
Take me for one last ride  
I'm out of my head

Tonight, tonight  
Tonight, tonight  
The sound of the waves collide  
The sound of the waves collide  
The sound of the waves collide  
Tonight we ride

Deftones - Sextape

 

 

Jiyong’s had sex a couple of times.

Many people may think that he has all the experience in that department, but he doesn’t. He’s still a young kid, too. The times he’s had sex it hasn’t been meaningful, it hasn’t been because he loved the other person. It was more of a close proximity kind of thing.

Moreover, he had sex before he fell for Seungri.

He’s had sex after falling for Seungri and before deciding to pursue him —really, pursue him.

He’s had sex during their eight month hip-cup, if only to try and get over him, if only to try and move on. And to have all of that come back to bite him in the ass and realize that no matter what he did, who he slept with, his body belonged to Seungri, the way his heart did, too.

He hasn’t had sex with anyone after that and he’s waited all this time for him and Seungri to cross and born every bridge that could have been there before and get to the point where they both are secure enough to be with the other, without rushing, without pressure, without second guesses —not that there was any of that before, but more over, they are both older now, bolder, more mature, more secure in their decisions, more confident in their own their bodies and their own hearts.

Jiyong pushes Seungri gently down all the way on the bed, gently climbs his body before sitting on top of his mid-drift.

“I love you,” Jiyong tells him.

“And I love you,” Seungri says as he places both of his hands on Jiyong’s hips.

“I’ll be gentle,” he tells him as he leans down. “Tell me when to stop.”

Seungri looks at him, his warm eyes on his at the same time that his right hand moves from Jiyong’s hip, up the side of his ribs, before resting it at the side of Jiyong’s neck, his thumb gently caressing the edge of his jaw.

“Now, why would I want you to stop?” Seungri asks him in a small murmur.

“Just…”

“Kwon Jiyong,” Seungri tells him in a steady voice. “I want this as much as you.”

Jiyong places his own hand against Seungri’s before he leans in to the touch with a small smile.

“I trust you,” Seungri tells him before he pulls him against his lips.

Jiyong kisses Seungri as if it’s the first time he’s ever kissed him. He takes his time, lets himself indulge in Seungri’s full, soft lips. He gently moves his lips against his, slightly bites and then soothes with his tongue.

He moves his lips across his jaw, down his neck where he licks, bites, and marks as Seungri’s breath hitches. He moves his lips down his chest, and kisses. He lightly kisses his nipple, and moves to the other one, and he lavishes it, he licks it, lightly sucks and bites as Seungri releases a small groan and it’s so sweet, so delicious, Jiyong doesn’t think he’ll ever stop wanting to hearing it.

Jiyong moves his lips down Seungri’s ribs, moving himself down, kissing his way down to Seungri’s navel, as he reaches Seungri’s happy trail, his fingers pull on the towel wrapped around Seungri’s waist, exposing Seungri’s hard cock, and it’s beautiful. He has always imagined that Seungri’s erect penis would be big, thick, and gorgeous. But seeing it now, as he’s about to put it in his mouth, he’s at a loss for words.

“Ever had a blow job?” he asks him as he falls to his knees between Seungri’s thighs.

“Ah, no,” Seungri responds.

And Jiyong likes that.

He likes that he gets to be Seungri’s first in many things, even if he himself can’t give the same opportunity to Seungri. Though, he doesn’t think it matters much. Sure, he’s had some experience and Seungri’s not his first in some of them, but what matters is that Seungri will be his last.

“I want to give you one,” he tells him.

“Ah,” Seungri says in a small voice. “You sure?”

“Yes.”

“What about the rest?”

Jiyong smiles before he responds.

“We’ll get there,” he tells him. “We have all day.”

“We have all day?” he asks him.

“Yes, want to watch?” he asks him because if this is his first, he wants to give him as much as he can.

“Can I, really?” Seungri asks lifting himself up on his elbows, setting his eyes, full of excitement and curiosity, on Jiyong.

“I don’t mind if you do,” he responds with a small smile as the back of his hand moves along Seungri’s warm, firm thigh.

With that Seungri sits up slightly to have a better view.

Jiyong smiles before he sets to work.

He kisses Seungri’s inner thigh, ghostly, making his way forward. Once there, he licks his balls lightly, before he begins licking the back of his cock until he reaches the tip, grabs hold of it with one had, and then licks at the slit, before circling the head with his tongue before he puts it in his mouth and gently moves down as much as he can and then comes up, slowly, making sure to add a bit of suction as he does.

As he sucks on Seungri’s cock, he can feel his own erection in his pants, at the same time that he feels Seungri’s hips push up, which only makes Jiyong suck on him, harder, faster, steadier, sloppier.

“Ji-um-Ji-oh-ong,” Seungri says between huffs and sweet moans. “Ji-ah, ah, ah, on-ah…”

Jiyong’s so caught up on the way Seungri’s warm cock feels inside his mouth, and on the sounds he is making, the way his body is reacting to Jiyong, to his mouth, to his tongue. He is so caught up in it, he likes this so much, he doesn’t want to stop. He wants to let Seungri cum in his mouth, he wants to let Seungri enjoy this as much as he himself is enjoying it.

“Uh,” Seungri says with a big moan, and Jiyong sucks him, sloppier, harder, tighter.

Seungri’s lays backdown and a series of moans and small noises follow.

“Ah, uh—ah, ah, ah, ah—hnngg… “

Seungri’s back arches and Jiyong’s cock throbs in his pants.

“Ji-ji-uh, uh, uh, oh, hm—Ji..”

Seungri’s hands reach for Jiyong as Jiyong’s free hand grazes Seungri’s balls.

“Jiyo-ah, um, ahu-hu-hu-hu…”

Seungri’s breath hitches, his moans become more filthy and thick as Jiyong’s fingers move between Seungri’s butt cheeks.

“Hnnggg…uh, uh, uh…Ji—oh, ah…”

Seungri comes in Jiyong’s mouth as Jiyong’s fingers graze at Seungri’s entrance, softly, gently.

Jiyong sucks him until Seungri is soft again, takes his mouth off him, and with his thumb wipes the saliva from the sides of his swollen lips before pulling himself off the floor and laying next to Seungri, who is completely blissed out and panting on the bed.

“Ah,” Seungri says between breaths turning to face Jiyong. “That, hm, that, uff, that was —fuck.”

Jiyong laughs in agreement as he turns to face him.

“No, seriously, wow!”

“Thank you,” Jiyong says, blushing for some reason.

Seungri places his hand on the side of Jiyong’s face and runs his thumb along Jiyong’s swollen bottom lip, before leaning in to kiss him, soft and tender before pulling away.

“Should I, uh, try on you?” Seungri asks him in a small voice. “I mean, I’ve never done it—and I’m not opposed to it, but you’re going to have to guide me a bit, and be patient with me until I get the hang of it.”

Jiyong smiles.

His Seungri wants to suck him off and Jiyong has dreamt about it countless times, and he definitely wants to give it many tries and let Seungri practice on Jiyong until he gets it completely down. But, that’s not the way he wants to finish first today.

“Maybe later,” he says and gives him a small kiss. “I, uh, want us to do something different first.”

“What?” Seungri asks.

Jiyong leans in and kisses him, harder, longer, devouring his lips before letting them go.

“I want to fuck you,” Jiyong tells him. “I want to come inside you.”

Seungri’s lips part before forming into a crocked grin.

“I want that too,” he tells him.

Jiyong’s heart speeds up, his hands itch to flip Seungri over, his fingers ache to stretch him and open him right at that moment. As he leans in, to kiss him one more time before doing just that, Seungri’s stomach growls, reminding Jiyong that they are both hungry and that they’ve ordered food.

“Ah…” Seungri begins but drifts off.

“Food first,” Jiyong tells him with a small laugh. “Put some clothes on so you don’t catch a cold. I’ll go take out the food.”

Jiyong kisses him one last time before getting off the bed, walking out to the kitchen, where he washes his hands before taking the food to the living room and sets it out as he turns on the TV.

Nothing will interrupt them today, he’s specifically requested to be off on the same days as Seungri.

They will eat.

They will fuck.

They might eat or sleep after that.

And then they will fuck again.

And again.

And again, for the next two days.

 

x__x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was so thirsty after writing thi T___T


End file.
